Expecations dating

I (20M) am sleeping over at my (almost?) girlfriend (20F) for the 1st time. Is she expecting to have sex? What stage is my (p)relationship in?

2020.11.29 02:24 OfficialXpL0iT I (20M) am sleeping over at my (almost?) girlfriend (20F) for the 1st time. Is she expecting to have sex? What stage is my (p)relationship in?

So I have been in the same school with this girl for 4 years but the last 8 months we have been closer friends. This was because I was dating one of her friends. Long story short. It didn't work out with this other girl, but during this period we had been "gossiping" and talking about all the stuff around me trying to get said girl. We bonded over this period of 6 months and one month ago we kind of told eachother that we liked eachother.
We went on 3 dates since: - Watching a movie at her place - Going shopping at IKEA and some food in my car after. - Painting a wall at my place (We kissed and cuddled 1st time on this date)
Very romantic I know, anyway we had a good time lauging about nothing and it felt nice after.
Maybe now is a good time to mention that i'm a virgin and have never been in a relationship before, while she's had a few (longer lasting) boyfriends before me.
I don't really know what stage im at right now and what to expect. We are exclusive and next week I am coming to her after work to meet her parents and I offered to sleep over at her place after.
She mentioned I am welcome to sleep over but she admitted that she's a bit nervous yet excited about it. And that it takes some getting used to sleeping with someone new again. To which I replied that I will always give her the time and space she will need, besides I can always just drive home if its too much.
Anyways, im unsure if she expects (me) to have sex, since the term "sleeping over" is pretty broad. It doesn't help that I'm not even sure too. My take is that I just go there and cuddle to see where it goes from there and what we feel.
Should I talk this over? Did I accidentally ask her to have sex? Is sleeping over and just cuddling a thing?! What stage is this (p)relationship in?
Edit: I was legitimately just intending to literally just sleep over without high expecations, but I want our expectations to be the same. Am I missing the obvious?
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2020.11.26 19:20 lekker_worst Sad

Went on a date. Thought date went well and that we had chemistry. Guy didn't reciprocate feelings, doesn't want a follow up.
I'm 20 and never been in a relationship. This was actually the first date ever that I enjoyed. Earlier also liked one guy and he rejected me (that was a long online-only thing).
I really hoped this thing would work out. Perhaps my expecations are too high, but I don't want to settle. I've seen many guys but none of them I were into (except this guy now).
ATM feeling pretty down. He's said he was looking for another type of guy. Not sure if that's related to my personality or my looks but I am not desperate enough to ask.
I am definietly not willing to date right now. I want to change myself (both physically and personality-wise), not because of this guy, just in general, but I feel too mentally exhausted to do that. What should I do?
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2020.11.24 18:09 dream_tourist I (25F) hate foreplay and can only get off from long sessions of penetration, but my partner (26M) is on SSRIs that make this unrealistic. How do you know the difference between sexual incompatibility and not being open minded enough?

I recently entered a serious relationship with 26M, whom I care deeply about. There have been some serious hurdles in our sex life that I'm not sure how to tackle.
  1. We've been dating for about 5 months, but neither of us has ever gotten off in front of the other person. On his end, I think medication and death grip is probably contributing factors. For me, it's more anxiety related. We've tried long sessions of foreplay, lube, cock rings, vibrators, different positions, etc. but it doesn't seem to make a huge difference.
  2. I'm not sure how to describe this, but the only way I can get aroused is through penetration, especially rough PIV sex.
I dislike clitoral stimulation and being fingered, or generally being on the receiving end of sexual acts. I enjoy giving oral sex, but I've tried so hard to enjoy receiving it and I feel burnt out.
For me, the foreplay IS the penetration. I've only had one relationship where I felt truly satisfied, and when I was with that person we would have long (45m-90m) marathon sessions of rough intercourse. At the time, I felt like I'd won the lottery, but in retrospect I was "spoiled" and now have unrealistic expecations when it comes to sex.
This was also a serious contributing factor in the end of my last relationship. We event went so far as to see a sex/relationship therapist, but it was honestly a total waste of time/money.
tl;dr I'm in love with my partner, but I'm scared we're sexually incompatible. Penetration is the only thing that turns me on, but my partner is more interested in foreplay than actually having sex due to medications, personal preferences, etc
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2020.11.24 17:35 dream_tourist I (25F) hate foreplay and can only get off from long sessions of penetration, but my partner (26M) is inorgasmic due to medication and has a difficult time staying hard. How do you know if you're sexually incompatible or just not being open minded enough?

I recently entered a serious relationship with 26M, who I care deeply about. There have been some serious hurdles in our sex life that I'm not sure how to tackle.
  1. We've been dating for about 5 months, but neither of us has ever gotten off in front of the other person. On his end, I think medication and death grip are probably contributing factors. For me, it's more anxiety related. We've tried long sessions of foreplay, lube, cock rings, vibrators, different positions, etc. but it doesn't seem to make a huge difference.
  2. I'm not sure how to describe this, but the only way I can get aroused is through penetration, especially rough PIV sex.
I dislike clitoral stimulation and being fingered, or generally being on the receiving end of sexual acts. I enjoy giving oral sex, but I've tried so hard to enjoy receiving it and I feel burnt out.
For me, the foreplay IS the penetration. I've only had one relationship where I felt truly satisfied, and when I was with that person we would have long (45m-90m) marathon sessions of rough intercourse. At the time, I felt like I'd won the lottery, but in retrospect I was "spoiled" and now have unrealistic expecations when it comes to sex.
That being said, I want this person in my life and I adore being around him in general. I care about him so much that I could cope with never having sex again, hypothetically speaking.
tl;dr I'm in love with my partner, but I'm scared we're sexually incompatible. Penetration is the only thing that turns me on, and he has trouble staying hard because of SSRIs.
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2020.10.22 08:31 thanuthanuthanu my step 2 experience as an IMG (step 2 score: 255)

Hi everyone! I thought I'd make this post and share my journey with everyone and contribute to this thread, seeing as how all the reddit posts here really helped me with my studying process :)
Background: I'm a non US IMG studying in Chennai, India. I took my step 1 in 2018 when I was in my third year of MBBS, and I took my step 2 CK in my internship year. Because of the pandemic, half of the hospital services are shut down temporarily and I only have to report to work 3 times a week approximately, so I figured I'd use the extra time to study and clear my step 2 CK.
Test date: 22 Sep 2020 Dedicated period: 7 weeks
Studying process:
Uworld - I bought my uworld subscription in jan, but I only seriously started doing questions in april. I started with 4 blocks a day, and then I would review all the incorrect questions and read up on the associated topics from FirstAid/medbullets. I finished my first pass with a percentage of 65%, and reset it right at the beginning of my dedicated period.
My second pass was 80%, and i completed it 2.5 weeks before my exam date. I was essentially doing like 4/5 blocks per day and reviewing everything. I didn't make it through all of my incompletes before test day.
Flashcards -
Initially I was using only the zanki deck, but after reading other redditors' recommendations, I downloaded the tzanki deck as well as the Cheesy Dorian M3 deck. I set the limit to 50 cards a day, but I wasn't really regular with them. The last week of my dedicated period, I essentially put anki in "edit" mode and would scroll through as many flashcards as possible every day. (around 200+). I'm honestly not entirely sure if I even finished any of the decks.
I started using these videos according to their 8 week plan (available on their website), but I didn't watch all of them. I think i left out all of the ObGyn and Surgery videos. He talks really slowly so I watched the videos at 1.25x speed!
Form 7 - 230, 5 sep Form 6 - 244, 10 sep Form 8 - 244, 13 sep
UWSA 1 - 227, 4 June UWSA 2 - 238, 10 August
The NBMEs were a huge boost of confidence for me, and I felt like they resembled the questions on the actual step 2 CK more than the UWSAs.
Divine Intervention podcast-
I discovered this podcast really late in the game, essentially 2 weeks out from my test date, so I only listened to the rapid review series for step 2 CK. I played them at 1.2x speed on spotify and would listen to them while running errands, going for walks etc. I find them SUPER SUPER helpful, so please listen to the rapid review series atleast, even if you cant integrate the podcasts fully into your study period.
Exam day -
I went early, said a prayer, and started answering questions lmao. I was honestly in autopilot mode the whole time, and I don't even remember any of the questions specifically. I do remember getting quite a few social science/ethics/drug study questions, so make sure you don't neglect these in your study period.
I packed yoghurt, nuts, apples, sandwiches and juice, but I had 0 appetite so I didn't eat much. I felt like the time was adequate, after a point I stopped looking at the clock because I knew I had quite a bit of time, since I skipped the tutorial and I finished all my blocks within 45 minutes.
My strategy for each block would be to answer all the questions, then go over all the questions again to make sure I didn't want to change my answers. I did the first 2 blocks back to back, and then I took a break of around 10 minutes between each block. After block 5, I forced myself to take a longer break of around 20 minutes so that I could relax a little bit and regain some mental stamina.
When I left the test centre, I definitely had mixed feelings about my performance, but I felt like I had a good chance of scoring around the 240s range. so I definitely exceeded my own expecations!
I know this was a super long post but I really wanted to share with everyone all of my knowledge, and hopefully some of you will find this helpful :)
Good luck everyone!!! And feel free to inbox me if you have any questions :)
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2020.09.30 14:30 TheKpwn She needs time to love me?

Hey me (m23) and my gf (f23) have been dating for 3 years. Best relationship I've ever had. I'm madly in love with her. However we were seperated for 6 months this summer the last two months before we were supposed to be back together she became distant, and when I confronted her the week before we were together she said she needed time to think. When we meet in person she told me she didn't love me anymore, but she says it's because she can't love herself. She was sexual abused as a child along with her younger sister. She blames herself and has never fully recovered. We have had sex maybe 2 dozen times in 3 years and she was always hesitant but always assured me she was ok and enjoyed it. Turns out she was baring through it cause she loved me. She now feels guilty and terrible that she lied to me and says it's not fair to me. She says she can't love me now, isn't excited to talk to me, and doesnt even want to hug me. She says she so destroyed because she loved what she had but she ruined (we had some issues she didn't bring up which lead to her building them up). She wants to work through these issues and wants to love me again but for now we can only be friends.
I don't know what to do? I'm madly in love with her still and it does genuinely feel like she wants to make it work but needs to work on her self first. She says she doesn't want to keep dating because she's afraid she'll come through this and still not love me. I want to help her through this as a friend with no expecation of her loving me in the future. But at the same time, I love her more than I've ever loved anyone. Is it worth continue persuing her even as friends? How do I persue her without making her feel as though I expect love back? How long do I try?
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2020.09.30 14:02 TheKpwn She needs time to love me?

Hey me (m23) and my gf (f23) have been dating for 3 years. Best relationship I've ever had. I'm madly in love with her. However we were seperated for 6 months this summer the last two months before we were supposed to be back together she became distant, and when I confronted her the week before we were together she said she needed time to think. When we meet in person she told me she didn't love me anymore, but she says it's because she can't love herself. She was sexual abused as a child along with her younger sister. She blames herself and has never fully recovered. We have had sex maybe 2 dozen times in 3 years and she was always hesitant but always assured me she was ok and enjoyed it. Turns out she was baring through it cause she loved me. She now feels guilty and terrible that she lied to me and says it's not fair to me. She says she can't love me now, isn't excited to talk to me, and doesnt even want to hug me. She says she so destroyed because she loved what she had but she ruined (we had some issues she didn't bring up which lead to her building them up). She wants to work through these issues and wants to love me again but for now we can only be friends.
I don't know what to do? I'm madly in love with her still and it does genuinely feel like she wants to make it work but needs to work on her self first. She says she doesn't want to keep dating because she's afraid she'llit to come through this and still not want to love me. I want to help her through this as a friend with no expecation of her loving me in the future. But at the same time, I love her more than I've ever loved anyone. Is it worth continue persuing her even as friends? How do I persue her without making her feel as though I expect love back? How long do I try?
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2020.09.03 10:26 vicksvaporrub08 Cancel culture in the traditionalist subculture and how I contributed to it [my story]

I would like to apologize for the long post in advance. This is intentionally long. I would like to give as full of a context of my circumstance as I could, so you could see from end-to-end where I am coming from. You may see a lot of inconsistencies in my thought process. For that I will acknowledge the gaps in my logic. But please, do not invalidate my feelings in doing so. This is my experience. This is very emotional to me.
I was trad since around 2017, though how you define trad depends on the type of trad you are talking to. If you look at my profile you would notice that my post history is mostly about the trad lifestyle.
If you want to classify me, I was a diocesan trad. In the beginning of my experience in traditionalism, I was truly happy. My experience with trad liturgy was truly magical. The Traditional Latin Mass I attended in a diocesan parish in Manila was beautiful. I knew there was a God, but I have never counted on the fact that He is beautiful.
You see, I grew up around Novus Ordo culture. My mother was a catechism teacher, a "mother butler," in the campus and in our local Novus Ordo parish. But I did not enjoy the faith at all, as I found the liturgy and the activities cringe. Thus for a short time I was atheist, then I remained nominal for a long ten or fifteen years. After that, I got a good confession, etc etc. Then I'm back in.
Yes, as a trad I was truly happy. I enjoyed trad liturgy, and I enjoyed my new friends. Coming from a secular background I found the perspectives of trads to be absolutely refreshing. The stuffy politically correct atmosphere and general cringe of Filipino urban society was getting into me. As a result I began reading, hanging out with them more. Most everything I am learning about Catholicism was new and mind-blowing to me. Pre-1955 liturgy, rubrics, Roman Martyrology. You name it.
I also got to learn about political ideologies such as Carlism and Integralism. I believed those ideologies too. After all, my government sucks, as many Filipinos attest.
As a trad I am member of several group chats on Facebook, trad Catholic groups, and I regularly browse the chans for trad content. I was also moderator of a major Filipino trad group, along with several admins, all vibrant people from their teens to their thirties. For all their faults and disagreements with me they are wonderful people.
In hindsight I realize that getting my formation from the Internet is a bad idea, and nothing beats the guidance of a trained formator. That's why I joined the Third Order of Carmel in Cubao. Or at least I hung out with the Tertiaries.
As many of us moderators and admins realize, there's at least two "factions" in our local trad group. There's the diocesans, then there's the SSPX goers. There's some tension between those groups. As I found some SSPX positions to be rather a stretch, and that I found the SSPX congregation to be quite an echo chamber, I was on team diocesan.
And then I started looking for, what my numerary friend calls it, "something stronger." I wanted to expand my "trad resume." At that time, I discovered the Divine Office, and I was just so impressed with it. I like how I can practically pray the Bible on top of reading it. This is huge for me!
But while praying the Divine Office and regularly getting my sacraments were one of my noteworthy personal achievements, I also engaged in Facebook raids. My friends and I would band together, raid someone's Facebook profile when they have terrible takes, and we would lecture them or just troll them. They would block us, but we considered that a victory. Then we would share rage fuel in our groups, about women getting abortions, about pedo priests, and that would get us all in an uproar.
That caused some bad juju in our air. And so we enforced what we called "Wholesome Sunday," where we would focus on elevated spiritual activities instead of collectively shaking our fists at "modernist society."
Those news were truly scandalous and that we were right to be outraged. But I never counted on how sharing "blackpilling" content snowballed into a mindset of hating people who don't believe like we do. We thrashed on modernists, we talk crapola about leftists, Jews, evangelicals, Orthodox, Iglesia ni Cristo, to name a few. We even lowkey insulted some of our priests. In my country, you see, there was a priest who wrote a liturgy called "Misa ng Sambayanang Pilipino" (Mass of the Filipino People), and it was controversial to our community.
But in the trad community, the reaction was bonkers. We would insult the priest who wrote it, and insult the priest who finished it. We felt his liturgy was just dumb. We could explain how and why the liturgy should not have been implemented. However, most of us were rabid. We lost the plot.
At this point, I was already getting uncomfortable with the trads, but I still enjoyed their friendship all the same. They are really good people, and we were united in our love for God through the expression of the sense of the sacred. And so I still hung out with them.
At this time as well, we have also seen Father Chad Ripperger's homily about trads struggling with lust and pride. While Father Chad's homily hit home at the lust part, I admit that we missed on the pride part. By a laaaaarge margin. We did not realize how proud we were.
Then a few months passed into 2018, and I was willfully ignorant of the degeneration of my charity, I got a trad boyfriend. He was a total Integralist and distributist. I was in love, and so naturally, I got tidally locked in the trad world now. I discarded political doctrines that I considered "liberal," and I even started to believe that the automobile is inherently evil because of my constant exposure to his talking points. He would bear down on me on his positions towards machine learning and technology (I am a developer), and about labor (I was working in corporate). He is a staunch car removalist, and is intransigent on the issue of loans, calling the concept of interest as inherently usurious.
I liked to think that while I disagreed with him, I had kept an open mind regarding his talking points. But the entire thought process that I was having as a result was so disingenuous. I denied that I was changing to suit his idea of an ideal reality. But it was happening already. You know who pointed that out? My cardiologist! I had to take a half day leave of absence from work to get checked out on account of my alopecia and "chest pains." My ECG results returned normal. My doctor thought it was psychological.
I did not know it, but my trad boyfriend was already eroding my self-esteem.
So I was fearing everything now, and I began to get very tired of doing trad liturgy. I did not like missing out on God, so I attended TLM, and I sung Vespers and Compline after. My daily routine was a hodgepodge of me praying all the Hours religiously and working in between. My coworkers thought I was becoming a weirdo, but I did not care. At the end of the day I would go to Benediction to a church outside of my workplace and despite that, I felt that I was being drained.
But I did not give up on the sacraments and acts of piety just yet. I held the belief that I will be rewarded in Heaven for my suffering, and nothing else really matters, so I kept doing it. My ex would tell me and tweet, "Let nothing hinder the work of God!" He honestly believed that praying the Divine Office was preferable to concentrating at your work hours.
It was a vicious cycle. I would go to work very tired, and I would end my shift totally exhausted. Even my trad bf began to notice the deepening dark circles around my eyes. I did not realize that I was already being consumed by this lifestyle.
Then my boyfriend broke up with me. He had indicated for a long time that he wanted to be a priest. I screwed up, I did something that pissed him off, and he was just looking for an excuse to dump me. And so I completely lost it when it happened.
After the breakup, he took me to the exorcist of Novaliches to have me checked out. The good priest referred me to a psychiatrist. Though I did not take the doctor. I instead went for another doctor in the same hospital. The doctor diagnosed me with depression, and I was under anti-depressants. I did not feel the benefits of his therapy. In fact, I behaved more psychotically. That's when I changed my doctor to a lady in one of the hospitals in Makati City.
I was beginning to really question the entire point of traditionalism and Catholicism in general. So after my first Ignatian retreat, I stopped contacting my exorcist, but I still went into therapy with my second doctor. I was then diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I was placed on anti-psychotics. I began to attend counseling sessions, which placed an unintended consequence of me going habitually late to work despite the assurances of my tech lead that my current company isn't obsessed with our punctuality.
Healing emotionally did not happen overnight. Even with the meds and the counseling I was still having suicidal and psychotic episodes, and I have melted down several times. My team would take me outside work to help me relax whenever I am in danger of melting down. And yes I was still into trad liturgy and all of that. I loved it. I was already almost a year into being a choirster myself.
After a few months, I pursued a relationship with the back end developer of my then job. He was agnostic and very much secular. He has a lot of those worldly beliefs, and of course, his expecations for sex were that of a typical person pursuing a romantic relationship. Thankfully I did not relapse, chastity wise. Having a secular reason for not having sex helped, actually. Remember, I was undergoing therapy. My secular reason is that I consider having sex as an intimate act and I don't want to get too attached to someone who I am not sure of. If I do that, it will overload my mental circuits. I am a busy person, I don't like stressing over a relationship, especially after what happened with my ex, and the aftereffects of sex will over-complicate things for me.
But still, I was very toxic as a trad on all of my social media accounts, especially Twitter. My ex thought it was wonderful for me to go back to Twitter and see the contents of "Catholic Twitter." But Catholic Twitter was far from wholesome. Left and right the beefs and feuds were popping all over. And I engaged in several verbal skirmishes. Everybody on Twitter was doing it. You name the topic of the fight: cerulean vestments, version of liturgy, the SSPX. You name it.
In trad Catholic Twitter (and I don't care how wholesome you trads claim it to be), many trads consider it a matter of pride to be blocked by Father James Martin, SJ. But why? Just because he has questionable takes regarding the LGBT? If you actually read his tweets he is still consistently anti-abortion and in fact is stricter with the GRRM. There's some morality left in him no matter what, and that guy is a validy-ordained priest.
Are these trads insane? You do not insult a priest. You do not make obscene references to his character, nor do you dress him down and humiliate him in front of everybody. If you are really a trad, then you know that there's a curse out there for people who insult the clergy and the religious. You can get demonically possessed for insulting a priest! You do not do that!
They call their brand of being obnoxious to non-believers and modernists as "charitable correction" when in fact all that it takes to be truly charitable to disagreeable people is to pray for them and by sliding into their DMs carefully explaining why their position is not okay.
I wasn't alone. My ex was involved, my friends are involved. We would answer cringe questions on Curiouscat that are high school tier despite us being adults. The beefs on Facebook and Twitter were more often now, and it spilled over to real life, at church. Every couple of Sundays there is at least one guy to diss for any reason whatsoever. We dissed a Swedish guy for being patronising against our Filipino culture and insisting that his llifestyle of pestecarianism, social justice, was more trad and more Catholic than ours. We dissed a choirster for complaining about some of us choirsters going to Cavite instead of committing to a TLM in Quezon City. Then there's news of me or a friend becoming verbally abusive to SSPX parishioners. And vice versa. We are all infighting.
Even if we have legitimate reasons why we disagree with those we cancel, ultimately, we were just playing a game of who is the least trad among us.
As a consequence, this poisoned the relationship I was having with my current bf. He called the diocesan trad community "a bunch of echo chambers," and my diocesan trad friends did not approve of my romance with him. I guess that's where they started cancelling me. I still hadn't recovered from my experience with my ex at that time, to be honest, and so yes, it's my fault too.
During therapy, one day, my therapist just had enough of my mental gymnastics at that time. And so she just exclaimed. "Why are you doing this to yourself, Victoria? You're in a cult! You're in a cult!" She kept saying that over and over. "You are doing all these ritualistic things that don't actually make you grow as a person! You are only getting very exhausted!"
I could never forget that.
My psychiatrist told me not to get involved with the sacraments anymore. No Divine Office, no devotions, nothing. I have neglected the secular aspect of my personality for long enough for these ill-thought notions of offering up my suffering for the conversion of unbelievers, etc. I of course, disobeyed her at first, by still attending trad liturgy. But she is really right about the relapse triggers. If I go to Mass or confession, I find myself emotionally drained the next day or couple of days. Then I would be uncharitable and verbally abusive to non-trads all over again.
To the credit of my diocesan trad friends, when we do go to trad liturgy in the diocesan parish, my friends would be welcoming to me and my new bf, and we did have a lot of fun. We ate dinner, and we played Exploding Kittens. We even managed to have one of our other friends over, a Novus Ordo type gym brother. At that time he was also dating someone who belonged to the Iglesia ni Cristo, and he had her over. They were truly sweet to us.
You think it was all fun and games? No. A few months later I found out from my remaining trad friends that there was a gossip club in town. Who are they cancelling? Me and my bf, then our friend and his INC gf.
Well, what goes around, comes around. I deserved it.
And so one day, I listened to my therapist. I stopped going to TLM and then went Novus Ordo again. Still the same effect. I was still relapsing. Engaging in religious activity was just...painful for me now.
Then more intel came in. I had another trad friend, who works as a physical therapist, with whom I lost touch until recently. He suffered a breakup with his cheating gf and he wanted to hang out. My boyfriend and I agreed to come out drinking with him and several other trad friends. It was fun for the most part. One of my trad drinking buddies was someone who does research for a living, we will call him Hans. He was closer to the gossip columns than I was. Then he began to tell me everything that had happened during the Feast of Sto. Rosario and the Feast of Christ the King (EF):
The gossip club in my diocesan parish believed that I was still openly simping over my trad ex, and that I am trying too hard to "flirt-to-convert" my current boyfriend.
Let us say for the sake of argument that I am still in love with my ex and I am just using my current bf. But I want to pose the following questions:
  1. How is that any of their concern?
  2. Is my ex the only reason that I still went to Sto Rosario and Christ the King? That diocesan parish is special to me, even if I don't want to come back there anymore.
  3. Why are you all observing me too much? Aren't you all supposed to concentrate on the liturgy.
Hans was snitching on these gossips, he told me of this facebook chat where they would thrash me and my new bf nonstop. That I can abide and let slide, even if I was truly angry. Why do they accuse me of simping over my ex when in fact it was him who couldn't stop looking at me from time to time and would try to make conversation with me, even if I was far from his side of the table latewr that evening in our favorite ramen place?
I was truly angry, and to be really honest, I was contemplating on hiring people to beat them up.
So, with the new information regarding the gossip club, I finally had a reason to stop going to that parish for good.
I went fully secular.
I'm not atheist, as my "convertodox" guy friend would tell everyone. I could never be atheist after seeing the miracle of the holy Sacrifice. Right now I am just... secular. Or nominal Catholic, something that my Orthodox girl bff actually understands and has experienced as well. For us who still believe, faith is a lifetime struggle. Some of us relapse into degeneracy, some us come back, and many of us fluctuate between piety and acedia. It's a process.
My dad actually noticed this change in myself, and he told me how sad he was. He is what most of my trad friends would consider a boomer modernist. He actually slept through the Roman Canon when I took him to TLM! But he was happy for me when I went trad. To him it meant that I finally get it. And so it was hard him to see me "relapse" into my secular ways, despite fully understanding how toxic my experience with trads are. I couldn't talk to him about this, I just stopped joining him for Rosaries, and then he just knew.
In my account, whenever I feel good enough, I would still go to Mass, but I made sure I wasn't alone. I stopped going to the nearby diocesan TLM and instead opted for the SSPX parish. I don't do it out of habit, I still rarely go, and I go to Low Mass. Then the next day I would file a sick leave from work in order to emotionally recover. I don't socialize with the parishioners after liturgy. It's not that I hate them, it's just that I simply refuse to relapse into my toxic trad ways. This was also why I nuked my Twitter and my Facebook.
I kept my Instagram, where the trad content was more curated. There's more said about reflecting on one's spirituality than about arguing which position is more traditionalist, and so on. It resolved my internal debate about the rather shallow talking points my ex had shoved in me, such as the question of machine learning: there could never be perfect AI, since it was created by imperfect beings. Therefore AI could never truly take over the world and replace human labor. It is just sad that despite all of his erudition, he remains adamant in his position regarding matters like this; conflating politics, culture, economics, and engineering with Catholic morality. He has lost the confidence of several of our trad friends. Or so my trad friends have told me.
When I started looking after my digital wellbeing, I truly started healing. My relationship with my boyfriend has stabilized. He met my friends from the SSPX congregation, and he was impressed how down-to-earth and reflective we were.
I could never imagine an avowed agnostic atheist praising the SSPX congregation for being more mature than the diocesan trads in this aspect. But he does. He is now absolutely insistent that I only attend TLM in an SSPX parish if the mood takes me. I am to absolutely avoid the diocesan parish where I go to. And out of love and respect for his feelings, I obey him.
Back in 2018 I would not have imagined that the Lord would send me a secular to teach me the values of charity and humility. These are the things I could not have learned in trad school. But He did and I am very grateful that my character has improved, even if I am still too far from perfect.
I still go to therapy. Personally I am very much struggling with so many conflicts in my spiritual life. But my doctor assured me that healing is a journey. I guess that's a consolation, and that I could come back and experience the sense of the sacred one day without breaking down.
Do I attend Novus Ordo? Rarely
Do I attend TLM? Even more rarely
Do I go to confession? Not anymore
Do I receive communion? Not anymore
Do I pray the Divine Office? Not anymore
Do I pray the Rosary? Never unless someone invites me. And usually I decline.
I am so tired of keeping this between me, my therapist, my SD, and my closest trad friends. To be honest, I still wanted to keep this to myself. After all, my interior life is none of anyone's business. However, the widespread lack of charity in the trad world has become so pervasive for too long. When I say this out loud to the community most of them would just tune me out, and then go back to their beefs on Facebook and Twitter. They dismiss my arguments as the ramblings of someone with bipolar disorder, or that of someone who has not moved on from my dreadful experience with my ex. They just don't realize the amount of damage to Catholicism that they were doing. They refuse to take responsibility for such things.
Some would listen, but they would classify this cringe behavior as "e-trad behavior" or "rad trad" or "sspx trad" or "weird Catholic twitter" behavior, as if to tell me that they have never done cringe trad behavior in their lives. Sir, please shut up and listen to me: We are all cringe.
And they wonder why the "modernist" clergy hate us? And they wonder why a Cardinal personally intervened to stop a Jesuit priest from saying TLM in his own hospital? And they wonder why a diocesan, trad-friendly, SSPX-friendly bishop is investigating a trad religious order? And they wonder why directors kick out trads from their seminaries?
And they wonder why trads have to go "crypto" while they are inside the seminary? And they get butt mad when they found out that our dear diocesan trad priest wouldn't get promoted by his bishop and has to deal with the contempt of the dean of liturgy in a university?
I honestly feel for Father J. He is a holy man, and he has been very accommodating to us. He does not deserve what is happening to him. He does not deserve to bear our collective trad autism as a cross whenever he is brought up to scrutiny before his bishop and his brother priests. The issue isn't about his preference for TLM. The issue is not that the mainstream clergy find us weird. The issue is we are all acting like animals. Father J beholds Jesus to us in the most Beautiful Form of the Sacrifice, and this is how we pay him? We have been hurting Father J's career.
We are making the crosses of our trad priests unnecessarily big with our collective lack of charity and kindness.
They just. Don't. Get it.
With all of these things in account, I like to think that my ex-boyfriend and his friends have since grown in holiness and charity, after our final falling out back in February this year. He after all, left the gossip group chat with Hans. But then, one of my remaining trad friends suddenly slid in my inbox, and he made a litany of complaints about the online behavior of various rads, including my ex and his gang. Apparently they have made a Facebook meme page where most of everything they do is share a hodgepodge of right-wing, borderline benevacantist, and medievalist fantasist memes that are mostly stolen from other meme pages. Then they super-impose an oversized watermark upon the memes they steal. Even my admin friends at Katoliko Memes PH finds this absolutely cringe.
There's this one account of an Opus Dei numerary friend of mine from a study center in... some place in Manila, who relayed to me the complaints of another numerary about my ex-boyfriend's social media habits. They confided in me that they wanted to spurn him from their centers, though in my opinion that would be too sad for him. Maybe if he were to be on speaking terms with the Opus Dei numeraries, he would expand his perspective with regards to topics and people he considers "worldly."
But then maybe not. It is very much established how unwilling he is to expand his perspective as soon as he deems the topic "worldly." I lent him my copy of Don Norman's Design of Everyday Things with an exhortation for him to read it, because as far-fetched from traditionalism UX is, it led me to ask questions on how to give Catholics a truly sacred experience, and then to traditionalism. I believe that he will need that book, among many others, especially that now he is going to seminary.
I did not ask for the book back.
Another friend complains, and another, and another.
To be really honest, I really wish I want to come back to the faith and receive my sacraments regularly again. But I have been burned by my experience with the entire trad community. They eat each other alive. They have very little charity in their bones. I wish I can at least have a Novus Ordo community to hang out with. And I still have my Tertiary friends. But religion is a relapse trigger to me now.
This is where my logic honestly breaks down. Sympathetic trads could recommend all sorts of self-help on how to get me back into the church and be regular again. Go Novus Ordo, hecc, even attend the problematic Misa ng Sambayanang Pilipino! I know that I ultimately have no defensible justifications why I do not wish to come back. Intellectually after all, I can explain why I believe that Catholicism is a requirement for my salvation, and I believe it it all still. But I could not make myself feel that way anymore. I am now emotionally incapable of being Catholic again.
Maybe I will come back to doing regular trad liturgy again. Maybe I will pray the Office daily again. Maybe I won't. That is my concern and not the concern of those trads around me.
I have a lot to say. I am tired of being shut out by these trads. I know and I pray that this experience of mine reaches their feeds. I am aware that if any of my friends would read this, they would know exactly who I am. They can pretend that they had not read what I wrote here. They can subtweet all they want. They can find all the inconsistencies with my testimony as a practical ex-trad. But it's not going to change the fact that the each member of the trad community is responsible for perpetuating the toxicity online and in real life. Myself included. This story is a chastisement for every trad out there who denies full involvement in this downward spiral.
I am counting on it.
tl;dr: Me and my friends were toxic trads, and thus I had to go to therapy and apologize to everyone.
submitted by vicksvaporrub08 to ExTraditionalCatholic [link] [comments]

2020.08.20 17:38 diazmanu03 modding tools release?

there is some date to expec? we are to far away of this date or it seem closer than we know? i hope the tools will be released before new year
submitted by diazmanu03 to mountandblade [link] [comments]

2020.08.05 23:11 LordNowis1171 I dont know how to put messages

I was flirting with a girl from work and got her number before she went to holiday for 2 weeks and i am having holidays next week
We werent really flirting before that, we where just joking around a bit and you could say it was flirty every now and then
Our chat wasnt very special until a few days ago, much about work, how it goes because i am taking care of her work during her holidays and how she spends her time and so on. Not to deep more small talk, but we got into some personal stuff every now and then. But i always felt blocked when i slightly wanted to go further jnto personal stuff
A few days ago we talked about prior relationships. She told me about that one guy, who was abusive and stalked her after the breakup and still sends letters and mails to her even tho she doesnt read them.
She told me that, because of that, she has trust issues, doesnt like to get into crowds and huge partys and has high expecations of men, thats why she hasnt dated someone else
While i interpret the telling of this as a step more into the personal, i think everything else is a hint about DONT TRY IT, I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND!
Tl;Dr Girl i started texting giving me mixed signals and i dont know how to put things. Since we know each other from work k feel like she HAS to write with me, because she cant ignore someone from work...
submitted by LordNowis1171 to dating_advice [link] [comments]

2020.07.16 16:05 Replacement-Alarmed My [29M] gf [29F] gets angry when we have sex and doesn't have an orgasm

Weird situation, let's start from the beginning.
I met this girl some months ago and I was immediately interested. It was nice talking to her, she looked really good, she was educated, nothing there not to like. She also showed some interest in me but we took it slow.
When we finally started to date, one day we went to her flat. We started to have sex and damn, it was some very good sex. I found out that we share a lot of kinks and our sex lasted for around 1 hour. When I came and stopped I was over the moon, but well apparently she wasn't. She started to tell me things like "OK good at least you are happy", "Yeah you got what you want" and so on. I felt so weird. I left and went home. After a few hours I texted her to say that well I was happy about what happened and I was sorry that she didn't feel in the same way. But she replied that she actually was really happy and that was the best sex she ever had. I was very confused and asked for some clarification about her behavior and she just told me that (due to previous bad experiences) she just thought I was also looking for sex and that after getting that I would have disappeared. I told her it was not really the case and so we started dating. All good right? Wrong.
We had a few more dates we more sex and she came every single time. it was great and we were both really happy. Until one day she was not able to come and she got upset again, telling me how I don't care about her and I am very selfish. She really went from 0 to 60 in her accusations that I thought were quite weird. I have some good sex experience and I've never seen a girl coming 100% of the times, no matter how hard I could try. But apparently according to her I just didn't care enough.
I tried to clarify the issue a few times, asking her about her expecations and she agreed that women might not be able to come every time and not coming occasionally was "normal" but still when it happened again she started again to accuse me.
I really do care about her and I think this relationship is very good but this behavior is starting to get to me. I'm also not sure what else I could try to fix this. Any suggestion?
submitted by Replacement-Alarmed to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.06.20 20:15 throwawawawawaway1 Both FA and AP?

So, I'm pretty new to attachement theory. I got into it two days ago because I was dating a great gal that kept going hot and cold. At some point she kept asking me out for dates but while on the date she seemed to despise me and nothing I said was right. Now she left the country and thus me as well to go back to her home country. We had a great last few weeks with growing intimacy, kept in touch for a few weeks despite my own expecations, only to suddenly go cold again. I went a week without contact, but today I texted her again. She seemed to respond well but quickly got very short and cold. I guess this is the point that I should call it quits. I don't want it to end, but I'll go no contact for real until she contacts me. Perhaps this is never going to happen. But it is so goddamn weird to have a strong connection at times and then suddenly she's icecold. Like I did something wrong and it bugs me a lot. But anywho, sorry, I had a post about this earlier. I wanted to ask about myself, hence the title.
I've watched a lot of Thais' videos and done her test and the one posted at the top of this sub. Both tests had a mix of all styles, but 35+ % FA and about 30% AP. This is weird right? It is making me doubt if I had filled in the tests wrong, but both showed kinda the same results. When I first started learning about attachment theory, I thought I'd be anxious preoccupied, as I'm always afraid she's going to leave me and I keep overthinking things, but turns out I'm more fearful avoidant which doesn't ring true to me. I don't think I've ever pushed someone away, or gone hot and cold. I'm a pretty closed off person though and have problems expressing myself, so maybe that's my avoidance? I'm awful at giving and receiving compliments. Whenever I try to say something nice it comes out all wrong and unnatural. But I digress.
My main question: is it common to have this distribution of style? I'm trying to learn about myself so want to find out where I'm at.
submitted by throwawawawawaway1 to attachment_theory [link] [comments]

2020.06.20 19:49 sketchynephilim Explaining the Honour system!

I have several questions to ask about the honour system and how to gain honour. The system feels completely unfair and consistantly works agaisnt the player as time progresses. "You level up just by playing to win in your games. Show up, don’t intentionally work against team, and you’ll progress in the coming weeks and months. If your teammates honor you a lot, you’ll get a slight bonus in progression and rewards like loading screen flairs." and "If I get no Honors, do I still level up? You will. All you have to do is show up and try to win in all your games." and "Unlock your Honor level by putting clean games in." These are the only pieces of information present to gain honour. My first question is what does Riot Games define as showing up to win in any given game and how do they identify it? Does Riot Games detect encouragement in the chat logs and reward that with more honour or do they only detect negative behaviour that works against you even if the system took it out of context? "Your reform period isn't over after a specific number of games, or after a certain date, but is completely dependent upon your behavior." This quote seems to state that the system can identify positive behaviour, or at the least, a lack of negative behaviour. Which of the two does the system detect? It also does not specify a timeline. Is honour gained passively over time, or passively over games played, or is it a hybrid? "A good game of League involves three elements: strong individual performance, great teamwork, and stellar sportsmanship." What does Riot Games identify as sportsmanship and how do they detect it? "This doesn't mean you need to be an outspoken pillar of the community; contributing quietly to the team while still listening to and providing communication necessary to the game's success is enough." This quote seems to state that typing is involved in gaining honour. How does the system know if one phrase is necessary to the game's success or if it is negative behaviour? For example, "I will kill them all, so don't worry" "Eligibility is dependent on a consistent display of good sportsmanship, not just "be nice in X number of games or days." Negative behavior during this reform period will cause it to last longer. " Lastly, this explanation seems to state that consistant sportsmanship (of unknown parameters) will gain more honour than if you don't meet the system's expecations every game. Can Riot Games provide details on the parameters of what good conduct actually is to the honour system as well as the parameters for what negative behaviour is? I have recently been chat banned (I believe the fourth time) and it seems as though all my positive behaviour that I consistantly show over countless games and countless weeks are nullified by a single piece of negative behaviour in one game. Please help explain the system better so that I can improve my behaviour in way that Riot Games desires. I wish to receive the end of year rewards this season, but I have been "trapped" below honour level 2 since the end of last season. Thus, I await your guidance. Thank you for your time and consideration!
submitted by sketchynephilim to leagueoflegends [link] [comments]

2020.06.13 01:38 PanzerKampfWagen-727 "WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE!" [6/14/2020; 1650 UTC]

Players: 3-4
Location: You'll be flying
Threat: High....VERY High
Objective: Search & Destroy
Themes: Oh god why?
GM Style Sheet: https://www.shadowhaven.info/User:Horizon_QRT
Seattle is abuzz with the coming weather, allowing people to enjoy the outdoors if only just for a little bit. However, for some the turn of the season means nothing, especially when work calls BREAKING NEWS!!!
"It's come in that another ARES container vessel has wrecked on the northern shores of Madagascar. The ship was supposedly in transit from Diego Garcia to a site in the Mediterranean Sea - ARES refuses to comment on the contents of the vessel, only that locals stay away from to wreck and prepare to evacuate when ARES HAZMAT teams arrive, we expec-"
"Hey, don't think I need to tell you what's up Omae, job on the board - pretty much poke around, see what shit ARES is up to, and spike it if you can - you in?"
(IC responses appreciated)
Metaplot: Nightmare Mode
Please list the following: Role, date of last run, top 3 dice pools, and the date you last played. Please include a link to your wiki page as well. I also would like your familiarity with the role (being unfamiliar will not disqualify you). IC responses are always appreciated. Picks will be made 12 Hours before game time.
submitted by PanzerKampfWagen-727 to ShadowHaven [link] [comments]

2020.05.22 17:52 ThrowRAfwbwithex When and how should I (28F) stop a FWB situation with my ex (28M)?

English is not my main language, so I'm sorry in advance for any mistakes.
I tried to keep it short and simple, but I failed. There's a TL;DR at the bottom.
Let me start with some background information. My ex, let's call him Tom, and I were together for four years, from when I was 23 till 27. We were very compatible, same interests, hobbies, humor, believes and short- and longterm life goals. We met through Tinder and immediatly hit it off, after two weeks we decided to be a couple. I became part of his tight friend group and he got along with my friends really great as well, my family loved him and and vice versa. We officially moved in together after 1,5 years. Overall, our relationship was great and I really flourished from it. I had been in one other relationship before Tom that lasted 7,5 years (from when I was 14 till 22) which was really toxic. I was so insecure and I had so much anxiety, but being with Tom made me more confident, spontaneous and simply overall a happy person.
The biggest difference between us is/was the way we communicate and deal with problems. I'm very sensitive, empathetic and I think communication is key. He is very charismatic, but finds it really difficult to talk about feelings and to deal with negative emotions (from others and himself) and confrontations. He rather removes himself from a situation instead of confronting it and working it out. I believe this is also the reason why he broke up with me. He became very unhappy with a lot of things, including our relationship, but never spoke about this. Of course I noticed he was unhappy, and I tried my best to support him, but I never realized our relationship was one of the reasons. The breakup came completely out of the blue and there are no words to describe how devastated I was. It was a very hard and painful breakup for me, because I felt like I never had the chance to work on things together. He tried on his own though, by literally ignoring his own negative feelings and emotions and hoping they would go away, until he couldn't hande it anymore. Anyway, with the help of friends, family, lovely strangers from reddit and therapy, I processed the breakup. It took me a year at least, but going through that breakup eventually made me love and appreciate myself more and I really grew as a person. I had very low self esteem (which I know Tom struggled with) and I can sincerely say I became much more positive towards myself thanks to the support, therapy and a lot of self reflection.
So fast forward to now, the breakup was over 1,5 year ago. I initiated no contact many times, he wanted to remain friends but that was too painfull for me at the time. But, time heals everything and I am in a place where I understand why he broke up with me and I've forgiven him for the shitty way he did it. As you can probably guess, he still means a lot to me. I think we could still be an awesome couple but, I don't expect it to happen anymore. I do still have a little bit of hope, but hope is not the same as expecations.
Three months ago we were at the same party, we were both drunk and one thing lead to another. After that we became friendly (we only had contact through whatsapp) and flirty as well. I moved into a new place and he expressed that he would really like to check out my new crib. So yeah. I've never met someone I have so much chemistry with and it's all still there. So now once a week or two weeks he comes over and we have crazy monkey sex. Sexually we're very compatible as well, there is literally nothing more I wish for on this subject. When he comes over we also just hangout, play videogames, sometimes he stays over for dinner or he stays the night. When he stays the night it's a little weird, because it's exactly the same as when we were together. Cuddling, spooning, little kisses in my neck. A few weeks ago I brought up the subject exclusivity. I simply don't like the idea of a man having sex with other woman while also having sex with me. It's fine if you wanna date/have sex with multiple women, but it's not my thing. Anyway, he felt the same and we agreed not to have sex with other people (we both hadn't had sex in a while either) and that if we would meet someone interesting, we would break this off before things would become too physical with the other person. We're both also in a place where we're just not interested in dating and meeting new people, but still like to have sex every now and then. Plus, corona makes meeting new people kinda impossible. So we agreed on just making the most out of this situation.
He was supposed to move to another city this month or in June, and I thought that would be a good deadline to end this FWB arrangement. But, his plans have changed and he's probably gonna move away at the end of the year now. We both agreed that it's better to end this before one of us meets someone new (he made it very clear that he would find it painful as well if I broke this off because I met someone) but we also both don't want to end it yet. Last time he was here he admitted to feel conflicted, because right now, what we're doing feels great and there are only positive feelings involved, but he has these ideas and goals that he wants to pursue. He has set his mind on these things (moving to another city, starting a new career), and I believe as well that he should pursue them. I think he's still searching for what he wants and who he wants to be. But, we can't keep doing this until whenever he moves away, because this is a relationship/arrangement/whatever you want to call it has a dead end. I'm still open to starting something new, but I know he is not (even though it doesn't always feel that way). We haven't talked about this in a long time, but after the breakup he made it very, very clear, that he doesn't see a future with me anymore.
How long should I continue doing this? I'm someone who can worry and think a lot about the future and after the breakup I decided to live more in the moment. And right now, everything is great and there are no negative feelings concerning this situation. So why not enjoy it now and stop worrying about when and how to end this? But I know it's a slippery slope. Surprisingly it has also given me some closure (I could write a whole paragraph about that as well but damn this post is already way too long!), it's just nice to be able to interact with each other like this again.
I hate to admit this, but there's also this little voice in the back of my head that says, maybe you can win him over by continuing this and seeing where it goes. He admitted to have some feelings again already, maybe he will develop more feelings over time? But I think that's just not how it works. I would like to be with him, but only if it's 100% his choice and if he's willing to really work on things, and I just don't see that happening in the near future.
If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

TL;DR I'm FWBF with an ex whom I still have feelings for, though I respect and accept that he isn't looking for a relationship with me anymore. I'm still enjoying it now, but this has to end someday, idyllically without hurting each other's feelings. When and how do I cut this off?
submitted by ThrowRAfwbwithex to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.04.04 22:43 CedeLovesKat I [20M] need tips for handling the pacing of dating in general. I take things way too fast.

Basically, I overthink way too much. This fills me with anxiety, speculation and fear and its not healthy at all. Neither for my date or myself. This starts with those simple questions: "Who started the last interaction? If it was me, I can’t do it again! How often are they texting? How long are they taking to respond? Maybe I should take my time to answer too, to show them that I’m busy, that I’m not thinking about them…!"Im emotional, sensible and my heart is way too big for my body. Or maybe Im just addicted and feeling lust. Im not a expert in dating. Hence why I'm here searching for advice. I just want to gain experience. Dating people and see how far it goes.
However, I fall in "love" way too fast. I have no idea how I should handle the pacing. Should I write each day? Should I talk about my day each day? Should I say good morning and good night each day or does it get repetitive? I dont want to come out as a desperate person to them. I'm independent for the most part. I just struggle once I met a person Im interested in. The scariest part is that I dont even know them yet. We just exchanged some messages for a week and Im already here thinking about what will happen in the future. What confuses me is, Im a person who pays attention to a lot of details. In my opinion, you can read someone in the first sentences he writes. Is he shy? Insecure? Open-minded? Dominant? Happy? Confident? Of course only if the person acting with their real personality. But why do I blindlessly start to catch feelings for someone I barely know?
Apparently my feelings start spinning around in my head. I cant really think rational anymore. My previous stuff I usually do starts to become boring. Im listening to music, to overcome my emotions. Doing nothing but thinking about that one person. Analyzing his pattern, the way he acts and how he responded to my messages. Im sick of this behaivour and I have no idea how to overcome this.I know for a fact that this is not healthy for myself. Due to corona the situation becomes even harder for me. My bike is damaged since last week. Im not able to go out and do my thing. I freezed my social contacts until corona is over. We only have contact per chat and sometimes phone callings. Same with my dates. We only have contact through chatting. Which isnt a bad thing but rn I have nothing to do at all. Usually I come up with a date immediatly. I dont want to waste that much time with chatting. But thats not working at the moment. Thats why I have too much time to think about literally "nonsense".
Why all of the sudden is it so easy for me to catch feelings for someone? My expecations are going up, I see images in my head and cant wait to see how it goes out. I know I have to take things slow, but I dont know in which pattern. Im honest, in every way possible. If people ask me about my past, opinions or anything related to that Im always down to talk about it. I have no secrets. But I dont want to come out as a desperate person who seeks nothing but a boyfriend, no matter what it costs.Which doesnt mean that I dont want a boyfriend but I think the way I handle this, isnt right.
TL:DR: I overthink way too much. Take things way to fast. Insecure about how much I should write with the person Im interested in. Mainly because Im scared that the person thinks im desperate.
submitted by CedeLovesKat to dating_advice [link] [comments]

2020.03.24 15:38 ThrowRA_qwertyuiop how do I [16] kindly tell my friend [16] that he's being a little bitch?

I [F16] have a friend [M17] (A) who's a grade above me and my other friends, but our friend circles overlap a lot. I've known him since middle school and he's a pretty cool guy, incredibly smart and multitalented. We're quite close and have a sort of siblinglike bond.
When I entered high school I made new friends, and one of the newer ones is this girl (B). She's one of the sweetest people I've ever met, and ever since A met B he's been infatuated with her. He's obsessed with her, up to the point of hanging out around her while she's doing extracurriculars, asking me what stuff she likes, how she's doing in school, etc. At one point he managed to get closer to her, and they seemed to get along well, and one day he told me he wanted to ask her out. I didn't mind that, but I told him that B is pretty against relationships (she's focused on her studies atm and had told me several times she's not interested in getting married) and that I think she's going to reject him, but he could do it if he wanted to. He asked her out with a letter, and it went quite badly. I reminded him that I had told him she wouldn't be interested in him, and that it's okay to be upset but it would be better for both of them if he moved on. He was very upset for the next few weeks, and they avoided each other for a while, but soon things were back to normal.
At this point I thought he would've gotten over her, as he'd already gotten rejected. And it seemed to be that way for a while, but these past few months his obsession seemed to be coming back. He learned the guitar because B could play the guitar, he joined photography events because B is a photographer, he asked me and my friends about her and basically takes advantage of any opportunity he can to be close with her. A typical crush maybe, but the way he does it makes him seem quite obsessive. I told him 'if she's not interested in marrying anyone, she won't be interested in dating' and he said 'I can change that'. The worst thing about it is the fact that I think he's idealizing her too much — he thinks that she's a genius, he thinks that she's a musical maestro, he thinks that she's super devoted to her studies. He thinks she's perfect when she's just average like most other people. When I was explaining to him about everyone's class ranks, after he heard B's rank he went 'Are you serious? That's quite low' when in reality it wasn't at all, it was average, he just has unrealistic expecations for her. I don't think he knows her at all, her hobbies and interests (besides the obvious ones), her sense of humor, how she really is. It feels like he just took her favorite parts of her and built his dream girl off it.
Now to what's bothering me lately — currently we're all quarantined, and he seems to be more desperate than usual. B told me that he's messaging her non stop, asking her about things every two seconds, up to the point where she moved to a different account to get away from him messaging her. He even stalked her dad's account to find pictures of her. When B doesn't reply when her status is online, he bombards her with questions and makes her feel guilty for not replying. When she doesn't reply and isn't visibly online he gets upset and starts messaging me and my other friends, asking us if she's really busy, what she's doing, if she's holding up okay. Which would be fine if it wasn't sent so obsessively. It's gotten up to the point where sometimes me and A's conversation topics are just B, and I don't mind telling him more about her, but when she's all we talk about and when he keeps bringing her up in situations that don't concern her I have no interest in talking at all.
The thing is A is a very sensitive person, and each time I try to tell him off for his obsessive behavior I end up feeling bad because he gets upset and says that he can't control his feelings, which is fair. But the constant infatuation of her is really pissing me off and I really just want to go out and tell him that he's being a creepy asshole, B is not interested, he's heard it multiple times, stop trying to pursue her. It's bothering me, it's bothering her, it's bothering most people in our friendship group. He doesn't listen to B's obvious signs and hints that he needs to stop, and as much as she's annoyed she really can't be harsh to him, but I can. He needs to hear it, but I know he'll be upset, and I'll end up feeling guilty, and I'll be the one who apologizes to him in the end, or maybe he'll even end up hating me and our friendship circles will be in ruins. I'd really appreciate advice on how to handle this, or if there is advice for B on how to handle this. Sorry if this was typed really messily, thank you.
submitted by ThrowRA_qwertyuiop to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.01.17 20:07 VortexAcherontic AMD vs NVidia GPUs/Drivers (again) ...

First, this is not going to be a rant nor I want to hurt anyone or blaming anyone to use an NVidia GPU or AMD GPU or driver.
I just feel like a lot of people getting the actual situation wrong and do have to many complains about either of the two.
What made me write this post? Well tbh 2 videos by Chris Titus (I follow him a long time now and the NVIDIA vs AMD part really mocks me since I fell like he (and other too) are hating NVIDIA too much and hail AMD to high. No I am not going to blame him nor I want to attack him in anyway but I hope he might read this and in some parts re think his point of view, since he's one of the bigger Linux you tubers (and one of my favorite too) and it is important not to spread false information about either one of the two.
Video 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tL4y5Gmol8
Video 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rb46F24HJM4
I already wrote comments below his videos but since today (as I wrote this) he's mentioning the same (in some parts) false point he seem not to have read it at all. So I commented below his most recent video maybe he's open to it this time.
His key points:
First of all I find some really annoying stuff about NVidia driver but it is far from being a nightmare but still it is not perfect as well as AMD drivers.
It really really depends on your use case:
1) Open vs closed driver: (Just something you need to know)
NVidia: Use the closed the open driver is a nightmare because of zero support by NVidia
AMD: Get the open source driver, the closed is only available for Ubuntu, missing features and do not even support all their GPUs properly.
2) Notebooks with iGPU/dGPU setup:
Get an Notebook with AMD dGPU because you do not need to fiddle around with 3rd Party tools. If you have an NV Notebook it is not that hard to set things up. (At least for my experience, select optimus manager in your packagemanger hit install and Vulkan, the NV driver and all prime (suse-prime-bbswitch in my case) is downloaded, installed and configured automatically) Yes logging of and on to switch GPUs is annoying, that's why I advice to get AMD dGPUs because of ease of use on note books.
But if you want to run an application on the dGPU you need to know a few things and also here AMD drivers (open source) might be a bit anoying if you dont know about DRI_PRIM=1 for OpenGL applications or the Vulkan equivalent (I currently do not remember in case an vulkan application dose not allow you to select the appropriated GPU)
Because of the 3rd Party nature of the NV setup you do not need to know anything (assuming you run Optimus manager) since your dGPU is the active one and everything is run on it also Vulkan applications. Bumblebee ... dose not support Vulkan and for OpenGL applications you need to know about primusrun or optirun to make it work.
On nvidia-xrun you need to know how to use the terminal to switch to a 2nd session which is than run on the nvidia GPU and than things work like with Optimus Manager.
So in this part running an OpenGL or Vulkan application on the dGPU both are as annoying than their counter part.
4) Dekstop PCs:
It doesn't matter at all, here it is up to you how many money you want to spend on a GPU and which performance you'll expec from it. If you that guy who always want the fastest and stronges GPUs, you'll pick NVidia. If you just prefer AMD for their openness get an AMD card. Really it dose make no difference in day to day usage.
5) GPU support:
Get NVidia if you that kind of guy who want 1st day support for any new GPU released. I remember the AMD 5700 XT launch which was not usable in Linux properly for month. The same comes to my mind about older GPU releases as well. In this part both, the open and the closed AMD driver lag 1st day support for new architectures.
On NVidia site it's only the open driver which isn't usable for anything at all so I don't assume anyone really want's to use it.
6) Feature support:
In this case I can only speak for NVidia since my personal experience with AMD cards is a bit limeted. But I can say that the NVidia Linux driver has support for CUDA, NVENC and OptiX which is all working out of the box.
Multi GPU support: In the NVIDIA space is okay, yes SLI for 3D applications do not work properly or at least you need to disable any window manager and start XOrg directly from the CLI, but it doesn't work properly on Windows too since the application you run needs to support SLI and only a very few do at all and those who do might suffer in the performance and your results are worse than just using one GPU or equal to one GPU since both gpus have a 50% load (minus 1% due to inter GPU communication) and only a very very very few 3d applications do benefit from it. So even on Windows you end up using one GPU.
NVENC works fie in multi GPU setups. You can use the 1st card for gaming while the 2nd card take care of recording and streaming if you wish. If you want to render something in Blender with CUDA, you can do so on the fly. 1st card still gaming, 2nd card rendering. If you don't need the 1st card, allow it to also render your animation. If you again need it, remove it from the available CUDA devices on the fly and game, browse the web or what ever.
OptiX: Again a feature the game need to support. NVidia added the required extensions to Vulkan AND OpenGL btw. If an application makes use of it depends on the developer not the driver. The driver supports it (even on non RTX cards btw.)
NVidia Gameworx: No this one dose not work. But if you're on an AMD card it wont work either, so no loose here I guess.
PhysX: Was open sourced by NVidia a while ago I don't know if any body care (I don't) but for the feature list, it is available for Linux as well and supported by the NVidia driver obviously.
GYsnc: Afaik works in Linux (but I do not have any GSync display so please enlighten me if I am wrong)
7) Wayland vs XOrg:
If you that kind of guy want to use Wayland, stay away from NVidia for now, they do not support Wayland afaik.
If you don't mind too use XOrg since you do not have a HiDPI monitor setup and such, it doesn't matter.
8) Updates:
LTS Distros: Stay away from AMD since the Kernel ships the driver and if you have a recent AMD GPU you'll probably have no support, need to get the nightmare closed source driver or upgrade to a rolling release.
I recomemnd using NVidia GPUs on LTS distros since the driver works as a Kernel Module and there fore can be added to any Kernel it was build for. If you have DKMS you do not need to bother about manually rebuilding the kernel module since it is done automatically. This is very useful if you're on a rolling release.
Rolling Releases: It dose not matter. The Kernel ships the latest AMD driver, and NVidia drivers can be installed with DKMS support and so the NVidia kernel module is updated automatically.
Also getting the NVidia driver is not a big deal since most distros ship or have an nvidia driver repo, if not already, enable it and let your package manger update your system it will take care of the NVIDIA driver and if you distribution vendor isn't nuts it will also use DKMS and you never have to manual search, download and install NV drivers or rebuild the kernel module at all. So If you run an AMD card or an NVidia card it dose not matter in terms of driver updates on a ROLLING distro.
7) Whole bunch of issues:
I don't remember any NVIDIA driver related issue I came across in over 15 years using the closed nv driver in Linux.
Can't say the same for AMD, as I wanted to use an AMD GPU the first time years ago it drove me crazy and I ended up giving in and told my friend, sorry I can't fix it. And he was like, oh sad, than I am going to use Windows again. He first switched to Linux because he got himself a NVIDIA GPU and the driver was working fine after you've installed it via YaST.
Don't get me wrong AMD did a lot of progress in the past 2 years and things are not the same as in the past. But still in the end AMD driver do have its in and outs as the NVIDIA driver dose. But none of them is doing their job perfect, nor is everything right in both worlds. And I wiched NVidai would be a lot more open about their stuff and driver but still they not doing a bad job in the most cases (same for AMD they are doing their Job fine in most cases too)

To conclude this: I feel like there is way too much black and white thinking going on in the Linux world when it comes to AMD vs NVidia GPUs. Some do hail AMD over everything, some do the same for NVIDIA, but if we sum up everything together both are making their jobs as good as the other dose tbh.

Chis if you read this, please take this into account in your future videos I would relay appreciate this :)
submitted by VortexAcherontic to linuxmasterrace [link] [comments]

2019.12.10 13:27 helplessbananas please i need some advice: Guy lost interest after he told me he loves me

Hey peeps! I’m new here. Me (30f) and my (30m) partner have an open/poly relationship for a few years now. We are each others primary partners and like to keep it that way :)
I have been seeing a new guy lately. We hit it of really hard. i’m trying to keep my head cool although i notice some infatuation. He used to bombard me with messages after the first few dates, wanted to know everything about me and was super eager to see me again. All of our dates were amazing. He is single, poly, super open and warm. We tried some bdsm which was super exciting! We promised to open up completely during our dates and accept any feelings we might have. During and before our last date he told me he has feelings for me and he already loves me a bit. He feels this kind of love towards his ex, and another girl he met a long time ago but he’s not seeing (yet). Good for him :) i felt safe to be vulnerable with him, i believe he has his heart in the good spot.
He told me he is usually into long-term things, and the fact that he is in love with his ex of 5 years ago and with another girl who he met long ago, kind of ‘proved’ that for me. I try to not have any expectations but when someone tells you that he loves you, some expecations or hope may grow.
Fast forward to today. Last week we had a date, which was awesome. When i arrived home, he told me he had an amazing time and it felt like he stepped out of a dream when i left, and later told me that he had such an perfect an amazing time and wants to cuddle me and wants to drive me crazy (sexually) each time we will meet again. We have wild sex every time, but even more cuddle and chatting time.
However, he is not texting me anymore. When i send him a message, he replies quickly and the conversation starts off easily. I just don’t want the person to start the conversation all the time, i don’t want to seem clingy. However i do wonder why he suddenly stopped seeking for contact after our last date, while he said that having contact with me is heartwarming.
I do not want to set expectations, however i feel need for reassurance. I don’t want to try to latch on any reassurance he gives me, because off course he will sense that i am trying to get something from him, and it may change the vibe i give off (because i am afraid to lose him) and him taking distance. I want it to be light hearted and fun. Maybe i gave off a different vibe during the last date (i would like to have some sort of commitment but we both agreed on no expectations), or i might be overthinking this.
There are 1000 possibilities why he is contacting me less. Maybe he just feels like we got to know each other and feels like we have an ubderstanding. Maybe he wants to take a step back because i have a primary partner. Could be anything really. I try to assume the most positive reason, but i have no idea at all.
I just need to feel safe, and i have to fix that myself. But how??
Can you relate to any of this?
Guys and girls, does texting/contacting get less when you established something with someone?
Thanks in advance for answering! I need a good mindspace to let this all go for now. At least i want to let my infatuation lessen a bit before i meet up with him again.
TLDR: seeing a guy for a while. He used to bombard me with messages daily, and called a lot. He told me he loves me a few times including the last date. After our last date i’m not hearing anything from him anymore. When i text him, he replies quick open and chatty. A few times he mentioned he wants to meet up again in the future, but takes no initiative at all. Help!
submitted by helplessbananas to polyamory [link] [comments]

2019.12.06 06:07 Vakarian195 My personal view on this manga, and other people's POV

Ok, my place is blackout while I'm writing this so I'm bored. I thought i made this post cuz why not, but after I saw numerous of discussion or theory in recent weeks ever since Nat chose Rui. Here's what I seen.
Rui has to this/that
Hina has to do this/that
Lets be real, that's NOT how it work and it's naive to think like that. Reason is you not Kei. Sure you can make theory, but the chance of that happening is low or probably never.
For the sake of not writing long walls of my personal view, I go straight to the point:
Hina endgame: Nat probably will be a dickhead, or indecisive guy who can't make the right decision for himself if he choose Hina afterwards. But let be honest here, he never consider her feelings for 100+ chapters. It was always Rui in his mind, and he chose her AFTER he knew Hina stilll love him. Hina important to him as his sister, his ex, and his first love. Was it good/precious? Yes. Did they regret? No. Do they still have lingering feelings for each other? Yes. But life just move on and it help you to become a better individual. The only reason I don't support Hina endgame is because she is nothing without Natsuo. In short: she asking a flaws individual to fill her empty hole.
Rui endgame: For me, she was quite obvious for very long time due to her development with Nat. When I started this manga, I always knew that I will read about Nat x Rui more than Nat x Hina cuz one obvious reason: They start from total strangers (first panel in chapter 1) to become potential marriage couple. What about Hina? She was already his crush, and his teacher. So I can already see a setup for them to date, breakup, and more drama at the end. As it was very obvious from the start for me, so i was less interested in it.
So what I'm trying to say? I don't read this manga cuz of hina/rui endgame. Imo, this manga is more about personal growth rather a love story. I love all MCs, their flaws, and I'm seeing how they grow from a flaws individual to be a better person. Which made me want to read it because it's their story to become an adult. Yes, it's a romance manga, but a romance manga is NOT always about romance/love. You can disagree with me on this, or maybe think I don't know what I'm talking about. But that's my personal view after reading so many novels/books or manga.

If there's one thing I like most readers to do. Don't put too much expecation, or spectulation on this manga if you don't want to feel disappointed at the end. I have seen so many theory and none of them come true, its because you just not the author. Let the story flow and don't take it TOO seriously, or you can just make a fanfic which probably won't make sense at all.
I don't care if people downvotes me, call me Rui bias cuz I don't support Hina endgame or watever, but that's my view so take it or leave it. But I'm open for discussion :-)
submitted by Vakarian195 to DomesticGirlfriend [link] [comments]

2019.11.08 23:21 Sneakykiwi Questions about upgrading PC

Have you read the sidebar and rules?
What is your intended use for this build? The more details the better.
The most intense use-case would be gaming, I would like it if the GPU and CPU can be upgraded at a later date without replacing the components I purchase now.
If gaming, what kind of performance are you looking for? (Screen resolution, framerate, game settings)
I am currently using a 1080p 60hz monitor on low settings for most games, but if I can get the frames I would consider purchasing a 1080p 144hz monitor (keeping graphics on low), but I do not expec.
What is your budget (ballpark is okay)?
Budget is ~600NZD but can flex either way.
In what country are you purchasing your parts?
New Zealand
Current specifications and proposed upgrade.
Current Spec. Proposed Upgrade Cost (NZD) Link
PSU beQuiet PurePower9 500W
Gigabyte Z390 AORUS PRO $378 Link
CPU Intel Core i5 7400 @ 3.00GHz
GPU GeForce GTX 1060 3GB
RAM Apacer 8.00GB @ 1063MHz HyperX Predator 16GB RAM @ 3200Mhz $160 Link
Storage 2*1TB HDD, 480GB SSD (sata)
Hi all,
I was going to just upgrade the RAM but I checked my motherboards specs and it is incompatiable with RAM with speeds above 2400MHz so I need to upgrade that too. I am hugely flexible on what components I purchase as long as I can buy them inside NZ, (shipping is expensive). At some point I will also upgrade my CPU and GPU, and I would like it if the components I buy now will be compatiable with a future upgrade. I will be connecting to the internet through ethernet so wifi is not important to me.
I have several queries:
  1. I am uncertain if the motherboards I picked out are compatiable with my existing CPU, as they say that they are "For Intel 8th/9th Gen" and my CPU is 7th gen, but they have the same MB socket, LGA1151 as my CPU
  2. I am unsure of which features are important when considering a motherboard, which makes deciding what motherboard to purchase difficult.
  3. In regards to RAM I picked the cheapest RAM which came in 2*8GB sticks with a memory speed above 3200MHz. Is that a good way to pick RAM?
  4. I tried and failed to find out how much power these components would draw, would I need to purchase a new power supply to run these new parts?
Thanks for any and all help, I really appreciate it.
(Posted then immediately deleted due to a mistake in the title)
submitted by Sneakykiwi to buildapc [link] [comments]

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submitted by stroke_bot to nullthworldproblems [link] [comments]