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2020.12.02 17:56 Lick321 I’m (25f) thinking of having sex with older professional man (47m)
I met him last week. He used to work as one of the corporate leaders in my building. His job was very prestigious (basically the CEO). He has since moved to a smaller office but he still is far more advanced in his career than where I am at the moment. This is pretty kinky. He is also around 20-25 years older than me. I’m not sure of his exact age.
We have been messaging back and forth this week. All the messages have been innocent but I have been getting really turned on by thoughts of where it might lead.
I think I’d like to fuck him but not sure where boundaries are and also how to get rid of them. Or if I even should. I don’t know his relationship status as well and obviously don’t want to be having sex with him if he isn’t single.
I also would be worried about being spotted on a date with him if that’s where this leads as we have many mutual work colleagues.
Not sure how or whether or not to proceed and wondering if anyone has advice or experience in a sexual relationship with an older partner. (Hoping for NSA sex)
TLDR: interested in sex with hot older man who is advanced in my career field. No longer work together. We are texting. I want to have sex with him but am worried about implications given power differences and age gap.
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2020.12.02 08:23 Throwaway_whatdo_ido Woman (36f) I've (40m) been dating blow hot and cold - what does it mean
I've been dating a girl for about a month. We met on an app where she listed herself as looking for NSA. Having just come out of a long relationship myself, it seemed like the perfect deal.
I went into it expecting a FWB type arrangement, but we've clicked and I'm way more into her than I expected to be. She's smart, funny, attractive, independent and we're in the same industry.
We've had 4 or 5 dates and I've been staying over at her place once a week. But she blows extreme hot and cold and I'm not sure what to read into it.
When we're out for dinner and back at her place (drinking) she wants to make plans to travel with and where she's going to take me. She's passionate and affectionate. Compliments me. After sex she'll hug me all night (something I've not experienced for years).
The next morning she's cold and indifferent. And between our dates, her texts are infrequent. She seems indifferent and if I say 'looking forward to seeing you' I'll get zero reply. It feels like she is deliberately keeping me at arms' length. But then we'll see each other again and it'll be all great again.
I don't want to rock the boat by ruining a fun thing. And in her defense, she's doing as advertised I'm just curious about her motivation and I obviously want to have some amount of control in the 'relationship'.
For reference, early on she alluded to there being another guy she sees and I know she's still on the dating app.
I'd appreciate anyones take on this.
tldr: I've fallen for NSA 'girlfriend'. Sometimes I think she feels the same way, but other times she's cold. What does it mean?
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2020.12.01 18:49 Undefined2020 PROGRAMMING: a brief overview analysis of CIA's MK ULTRA & Monarch Programming (of mind, heart & soul - & consciousness) - featuring Schrödinger's cat 😹
I'm not holding back on my private one-man-army counter-information war against the "cult" a.k.a. Illuminati a.k.a. Freemason/Zionist/Jesuit elite of the elite mafia as they manipulate my life by a hostile take-over of my online & offline social network meaning I have had no real friends for years & also can't make new ones as most are contacted & recruited to the "cult" agenda on me. I hope the cat becomes a lion & eats you all! 😹 Remember who you are "serving" which is the Satanic spiritual elite within military-intelligence industry & secret societies ruled mainly by narcissists that believe they have a divine/moral obligation/right to "Gang Stalk" individuals they deem "interesting": https://youtu.be/LyDc8BAN_LQ?list=PLsv2e1xiCPWt-4MNDXjRkg_nfqNWEog4m
The text below comes from a CIA document; however, I want to highlight some of the points of method listed beforehand (I'm sure I'm going to piss off some of the "Gang Stalkers" that believe this is about religion, Bible & Christ (consciousness) but they deserve it for playing games with my emotions, mental health & overal life):
1. Abuse and torture
13. Sleep deprivation
16. Drugs to create illusion, confusion, and amnesia, often given by injection or intravenously
22. Forced to perform or witness abuse, torture and sacrifice of people and animals, usually with knives
25. Spiritual abuse to cause victim to feel possessed, harassed, and controlled internally by spirits or demons
26. Desecration of Judeo-Christian beliefs and forms of worship; dedication to Satan or other deities
27. Abuse and illusion to convince victims that God is evil, such as convincing a child that God has abused her
28. Surgery to torture, experiment, or cause the perception of physical or spiritual bombs or implants
29. Harm or threats of harm to family, friends, loved ones, pets, and other victims, to force compliance
30. Use of illusion and virtual reality to confuse and create non-credible disclosure
Wonder why they abuse targets? It's a twisted way for them to do psychological operations, mind programming & behavior modifications through trauma-based tactics & some aspects of mind control as they want targets to follow their plans for targets. Point 25 illutsrates exactly what they want us to experience & believe which is that we are somehow poossessed rather than it being a result of year-long trauma-based abuses online & offline.
Point 26 & 27 directly attacks God/Jesus & religion as a whole, making targets lose belief in God due to torture & abuse when it obviously doesn't help at all. My question is: are the community "agents" pushing targets to turn for God/Jesus just to get disappointed after realizing it doesn't help at all? PTSD, trauma, emotional instability, depression, economic destitude & so on are very real effects of both short-term & long-term targeting - are they claiming that God/Jesus will magically make them stop & instead help a target heal from YEARS of abuse & suffering?
They're trying to program the real targets after what they wish & they use anyone willing to participate - especially online. It seems to be a kind of conditioning of the target through "Gang Stalking" - perhaps God/Jesus/Christ or Satan, based in the Bible. There are many perspectives to view it from, however the religion aspects seem to be central for many active targets so it may be that they heavily use belief systems to achieve their goal with the various psychological operations, experiments & research.
I am convinced that they use GOD, JESUS & SATAN in the same way - they don't really care because they're actually more focused on power & politics than following religion so they might use JESUS just to make a target hate him. This is what mind programmers do. If their goal is to make you an Atheist or Satanist or just in despair, they will use you belief in GOD/JESUS against you esecially in trauma-intense events. I can't view these "Gang Stalkers" & their handlers & the whole group behind it as morally good or ethically justified. They work on the notion "FOR THE GREATER GOOD" & "THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS" - the way almost al misery & wars in history have been justified & tha by manipulation, false flags, lies & false evidence. I can't believe that all of you that still keep your mouths shut about this evil don't realize the truth.
Furthermore, I want to highlight one particular programming module, "THETA":
THETA – Considered to the “psychic” programming. Bloodliners (those coming from multi-generational Satanic families) were determined to exhibit a greater propensity for having telepathic abilities than did non-bloodliners. Due to its evident limitations, however, various forms of electronic mind control systems were developed and introduced, namely, bio-medical human telemetry devices (brain implants), directed-energy lasers using microwaves and/or electromagnetics. It is reported these are used in conjunction with highly-advanced computers and sophisticated satellite tracking systems. [13. Patton, op. cit.]
This particular document highlights exactly what is claimed in the targeting community which is psychic abilities are artificially induced & made by the Satanic elite by various methods such as high technology. However, I am conviced they prefer to use conventional methods to achieve this such as spying on you through cellphone & computer to gather information & use it to set up psychological operations. I believe simply that this is a matter of "Hybrid Warfare" combining warfare in spiritual, psychology, cyber & information which I have written about in many posts so I will not repeat myself again. Sufficient to say: I am convinced that I haven't been subjected to any implants, DEW, RNM & V2K though a basic A.I. has been used on me since 2013 (compare to "The Great Hack" documentary).
Note: is it a coincidence that Scientology call their levels for "Operating Thetans" & the higher you get the more psychic ability you would have? From Wikipedia: In Scientology, Operating Thetan (OT) is a spiritual state above Clear. It is defined as "knowing and willing cause over life, thought, matter, energy, space and time (MEST)."
The MK ULTRA & Monarch Programming text:
"Monarch Programming is a method of mind control used by numerous organizations for covert purposes. It is a continuation of project MK-ULTRA, a mind-control program developed by the CIA, and tested on the military and civilians. The methods are astonishingly sadistic (its entire purpose is to traumatize the victim) and the expected results are horrifying: The creation of a mind-controlled slave who can be triggered at anytime to perform any action required by the handler. While mass media ignores this issue, over 2 million Americans have gone through the horrors of this program. This article looks at the origins of Monarch programming and some of its methods and symbolism.
Monarch programming is a mind-control technique comprising elements of Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) and Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). It utilizes a combination of psychology, neuroscience and occult rituals to create within the slaves an alter persona that can be triggered and programmed by the handlers. Monarch slaves are used by several organizations connected with the world elite in fields such as the military, sex slavery, and the entertainment industry. This article will look at the origins of Monarch programming, its techniques, and its symbolism.
Throughout the course of history, several accounts have been recorded describing rituals and practices resembling mind control. One of the earliest writings giving reference to the use of occultism to manipulate the mind can be found in the Egyptian Book of the Dead. It is a compilation of rituals, heavily studied by today’s secret societies, which describes methods of torture and intimidation (to create trauma), the use of potions (drugs) and the casting of spells (hypnotism), ultimately resulting in the total enslavement of the initiate. Other events ascribed to black magic, sorcery and demon possession (where the victim is animated by an outside force) are also ancestors of Monarch programming.
It is, however, during the 20th century that mind control became a science in the modern sense of the term, where thousands of subjects have been systematically observed, documented and experimented on.
One of the first methodical studies on trauma-based mind control was conducted by Josef Mengele, a physician working in N--i concentration camps. He initially gained notoriety for being one of the SS physicians who supervised the selection of arriving prisoners, determining who was to be killed and who was to become a forced laborer. However, he is mostly known for performing grisly human experiments on camp inmates, including children, for which Mengele was called the “Angel of Death”.
Mengele is infamous for his sordid human experiments on concentration camps prisoners, especially on twins. A part of his work that is rarely mentioned however, is his research on mind control. Much of his research in this field was confiscated by the Allies and is still classified to this day.
“DR. GREEN (Dr. Joseph Mengele): The most significant programmer, perhaps one could give him the title of the father of Monarch Programming was Joseph Mengele, an ex-N--i Concentration Camp doctor. Thousands of Monarch mindcontrolled slaves in the U.S. had “Dr. Green” as their chief programmer.”
So Mengele’s research served as a basis for the covert, illegal CIA human research program named MK-ULTRA.
Project MK-ULTRA ran from the early 1950s to at least the late 1960s, using American and Canadian citizens as its test subjects. The published evidence indicates that Project MK-ULTRA involved the use of many methodologies to manipulate individual mental states and alter brain functions, including the surreptitious administration of drugs and other chemicals, sensory deprivation, isolation, and verbal and physical abuse.
The most publicized experiments conducted by MK-ULTRA involved the administration of LSD on unwitting human subjects, including CIA employees, military personnel, doctors, other government agents, prostitutes, mentally ill patients, and members of the general public, in order to study their reactions.
However, the scope of MK-ULTRA does not however stop. Experiments involving violent electroshocks, physical and mental torture and abuse were used in a systematic matter on many subjects, including children.
Although the admitted goals of the projects were to develop torture and interrogation methods to use on the country’s enemies, some historians asserted that the project aimed to create “Manchurian Candidates”, programmed to perform various acts such as assassinations and other covert missions.
MK-ULTRA was brought to light by various commissions in the 1970s, including the Rockefeller Commission of 1975. Although it is claimed that the CIA stopped such experiments after these commissions, some whistle-blowers have come forth stating that the project simply went “underground” and Monarch Programming has become the classified successor of MK-ULTRA.
The most incriminating statement to date made by a government official as to the possible existence of Project MONARCH was extracted by Anton Chaitkin, a writer for the publication The New Federalist. When former CIA Director William Colby was asked directly, “What about monarch?” he replied angrily and ambiguously, “We stopped that between the late 1960s and the early 1970s.” [3. Anton Chaitkin, “Franklin Witnesses Implicate FBI and U.S. Elites in Torture and Murder of Children”, The New Federalist]
Although there has never been any official admittance of the existence of Monarch programming, prominent researchers have documented the systematic use of trauma on subjects for mind-control purposes. Some survivors, with the help of dedicated therapists, were able to “deprogram” themselves to then go on record and disclose the horrifying details of their ordeals.
Monarch slaves are mainly used by organizations to carry out operations using patsies trained to perform specific tasks, who do not question orders, who do not remember their actions and, if discovered, who automatically commit suicide. They are the perfect scapegoats for high-profile assassinations (see Sirhan Sirhan), the ideal candidates for prostitution, slavery and private movie productions. They are also the perfect puppet performers for the entertainment industry.
Monarch programmers cause intense trauma to subjects through the use of electroshock, torture, abuse and mind games in order to force them to dissociate from reality – a natural response in some people when they are faced with unbearable pain. The subject’s ability to dissociate is a major requirement and it is, apparently, most readily found in children that come from families with multiple generations of abuse. Mental dissociation enables the handlers to create walled-off personas in the subject’s psyche, which can then be programmed and triggered at will.
Monarch mind control is covertly used by various groups and organizations for various purposes. According to Fritz Springmeier, these groups are known as “The Network” and form the backbone of the New World Order.
Origins of the Name:
Monarch mind control is named after the Monarch butterfly – an insect who begins its life as a worm (representing undeveloped potential) and, after a period of cocooning (programming) is reborn as a beautiful butterfly (the Monarch slave). Some characteristics specific to the Monarch butterfly are also applicable to mind control.
The victim/survivor is called a “slave” by the programmehandler, who in turn is perceived as “master” or “god.” About 75% are female since they possess a higher tolerance for pain and tend to dissociate more easily than males. Monarch handlers seek the compartmentalization of their subject’s psyche in multiple and separate alter personas using trauma to cause dissociation.
The following is a partial list of these forms of torture:
- Abuse and torture
- Confinement in boxes, cages, coffins, etc, or burial (often with an opening or air-tube for oxygen)
- Restraint with ropes, chains, cuffs, etc.
- Extremes of heat and cold, including submersion in ice water and burning chemicals
- Skinning (only top layers of the skin are removed in victims intended to survive)
- Blinding light
- Electric shock
- Forced ingestion of offensive body fluids and matter, such as blood, urine, feces, flesh, etc.
- Hung in painful positions or upside down
- Hunger and thirst
- Sleep deprivation
14 Compression with weights and devices
Dissociation is thus achieved by traumatizing the subject, using systematic abuse and using terrifying occult rituals. Once a split in the core personality occurs, an “internal world” can be created and alter personas can be programmed using tools such as music, movies (especially Disney productions) and fairy tales. These visual and audio aids enhance the programming process using images, symbols, meanings, and concepts. Created alters can then be accessed using trigger words or symbols programmed into the subject’s psyche by the handler. Some of the most common internal images seen by mind control slaves are trees, Cabalistic Tree of life, infinity loops, ancient symbols and letters, spider webs, mirrors, glass shattering, masks, castles, mazes, demons, butterflies, hour glasses, clocks, and robots. These symbols are commonly inserted in popular culture movies and videos for two reasons: to desensitize the majority of the population, using subliminals and neuro-linguistic programming and to deliberately construct specific triggers and keys for base programming of highly-impressionable MONARCH children. [11. Ibid.] Some of the movies used in Monarch programming include The Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland, Pinocchio and Sleeping Beauty.
- Sensory deprivation
- Drugs to create illusion, confusion, and amnesia, often given by injection or intravenously
- Ingestion or intravenous toxic chemicals to create pain or illness, including chemotherapy agents
- Limbs pulled or dislocated
- Application of snakes, spiders, maggots, rats, and other animals to induce fear and disgust
- Near-death experiences, commonly asphyxiation by choking or drowning, with immediate resuscitation
- Forced to perform or witness abuse, torture and sacrifice of people and animals, usually with knives
- Forced participation in slavery
- Abuse to become pregnant; the fetus is then aborted for ritual use, or the baby is taken for sacrifice or enslavement
- Spiritual abuse to cause victim to feel possessed, harassed, and controlled internally by spirits or demons
- Desecration of Judeo-Christian beliefs and forms of worship; dedication to Satan or other deities
- Abuse and illusion to convince victims that God is evil, such as convincing a child that God has abused her
- Surgery to torture, experiment, or cause the perception of physical or spiritual bombs or implants
- Harm or threats of harm to family, friends, loved ones, pets, and other victims, to force compliance
- Use of illusion and virtual reality to confuse and create non-credible disclosure [8. Ellen P. Lacter, Ph.D., Kinds of Torture Endured in Ritual Abuse and Trauma-Based Mind Control]
In each case, the slave is given a particular interpretation of the movie’s storyline in order to enhance programming. For example, a slave watching The Wizard of Oz is taught that “somewhere over the rainbow” is the “happy place” dissociative trauma slaves must go to in order to escape the unbearable pain being inflicted upon them. Using the movie, programmers encourage slaves to go “over the rainbow” and dissociate, effectively separating their minds from their bodies.
Levels of Monarch Programming:
The levels of Monarch Programming identify the slave’s “functions” and are named after the Electroencephalography (EEG) brainwaves associated with them.
Regarded as “general” or regular programming, ALPHA is within the base control personality. It characterized by extremely pronounced memory retention, along with substantially increased physical strength and visual acuity. Alpha programming is accomplished through deliberately subdividing the victim’s personality which, in essence, causes a left brain-right brain division, allowing for a programmed union of Left and Right through neuron pathway stimulation.
BETA is referred to as “sexual” programming (slaves). This programming eliminates all learned moral convictions and stimulates the primitive instinct, devoid of inhibitions. “Cat” alters may come out at this level. Known as Kitten programming, it is the most visible kind of programming as some female celebrities, models, actresses, and singers have been subjected to this kind of programming. In popular culture, clothing with feline prints often denotes Kitten programming.
DELTA is known as “killer” programming and was originally developed for training special agents or elite soldiers (i.e. Delta Force, First Earth Battalion, Mossad, etc.) in covert operations. Optimal adrenal output and controlled aggression are evident. Subjects are devoid of fear and very systematic in carrying out their assignment. Self-destruct or suicide instructions are layered in at this level.
THETA – Considered to the “psychic” programming. Bloodliners (those coming from multi-generational Satanic families) were determined to exhibit a greater propensity for having telepathic abilities than did non-bloodliners. Due to its evident limitations, however, various forms of electronic mind control systems were developed and introduced, namely, bio-medical human telemetry devices (brain implants), directed-energy lasers using microwaves and/or electromagnetics. It is reported these are used in conjunction with highly-advanced computers and sophisticated satellite tracking systems. [13. Patton, op. cit.]
It is difficult to remain objective when describing the horrors endured by Monarch slaves. The extreme violence, the abuse, the mental torture and sadistic games inflicted on victims by “notable scientists” and high-level officials prove the existence of a true “dark side” in the powers that be. Despite the revelations, the documents, and the whistle-blowers, a great majority of the population ignores, dismisses or avoids the issue altogether. Over two million Americans have been programmed by trauma mind-control since 1947 and the CIA publicly admitted its mind control projects in 1970. Movies such as The Manchurian Candidate have directly referred to the subject, even depicting actual techniques, such as electroshock, the use of trigger words and microchip implementation. Several public figures we see on our TV and movie screens are mind control slaves. Famous people such as Candy Jones, Celia Imrie and Sirhan Sirhan have gone on record and disclosed their mind control experiences…and yet the general public claims that it “cannot exist”.
The research and funds invested in project Monarch do not however only apply to mind control slaves. Many of the programming techniques perfected in these experiments are applied on a mass scale through mass media. Mainstream news, movies, music videos, advertisements and television shows are conceived using the most advanced data on human behavior ever compiled. A lot of this comes from Monarch programming."
However, modern form of "MK ULTRA" is NOT mind control or brain control, the modern form is core based in "Intepretation Control" & "Perception Management". With the ability to control & influence of intepretation & perception through social media operations & social circle, they create a flowchart of manners, actions & behaviors for achieving a desired perception in the target in a timely fashion, as to the control the ideas in the target which controls the conclusions thus ultimately decisions - it's a new BREED of Monarch & self-empowered "Super Soldiers" or "Mind Control Slaves" depending on the objective of targeting. The methods, tools & tactics they use:
- Language (NLP, certain key words, anchoring, sensitization)
- Scheduling (social media posts at certain times, street theater, time for shopping)
- Coordination (cellphone coordinatin street theatre, exiting of home, meet-ups)
- Technology (using social media operations such as custom posts, spying on phone & PC)
- Images (using images online to influence emotions i.e. Facbeook)
They want to influence how you INTEPRET these psychological operations in order to influence your PERCEPTION. This is mainly done through long-term neuro-based pattern changes done though "Gang Stalking" - eventually, a target learns a new language &, a new way to view the work. However, most "Gang Stalking" acivity is highy psychological, supporting the notion that it's an inspiration of Montauk psychological warfare development research.
A target is deliberately hidden from the mechanics on how the "Gang Stalking" works especially the psychological operations & information operations on social media. Much of it looks like "magic" (sleight-of-hand) for targets that haven't been information of what they're actually subjected to. The whole "Gang Stalking" is:
- Meant to read thoughts, emotions & such, to be externalized
- Meant to be seen, heard, felt (even the extreme operations of "illuminati")
- Meant have a mental & emotional effect
- All experience to be internalized (many times over time)
- Condition a behavior, belief, intepretation, perception
- Change a target in various ways
Furthermore, they're using technology, New Age ideas, spirituality & religion to mind program & then social engineer real targeted individuals through; keep in mind that programming & social engineering HAPPENS ALL THE TIME against the public (the actual system already exist irrelavant to targets), & this is only hypertargeting against a few individuals:
- Social media operations (mainly Facebook & Twitter) - MAIN tool for programming & conditioning - SECRET LEVEL
- Recruited civilian informants/agents (online & offline) - MAIN tool for programming & social engineering/conditioning - BASE LEVEL
- Family & friends are involved - MAIN tool for programming & social engineering - BASE LEVEL
- Relationships & opposite sex - MOST dangerous aspect of it all, mostly used for trauma-bonding & abuse, spliting the mind through cognitive dissonance (strong disrepancies between emotions & rational thought) - BASE LEVEL
- Involvement of society agents such as police - BASE LEVEL
- Governments (know about this social engineering scheme) - SECRET LEVEL
- News & Hollywood media (specialized news for the targets (CIA connection)) - IMPORTANT for programming & conditioning - SECRET LEVEL
By programming I mean information exposed to the target by force, that otherwise wouldn't be in a targets focus or environment. One example of this is the exposing of how harassment works & how people are easily corrupted & turned against you, then if a target is lucky enough to find out the name of the targeting program, also being exposed to all the information being put out online related to "Gang Stalking" & "Targeded Individuals" online - including information about the Bible, advanced weapons & technology, secret societies, CIA/NSA history & so on. Not to mention the "A.I." that as deployed against me at the same time in 2013 to in fact expose me to certain information online through my PC & smartphone - that "A.I." in actuality is Information Warfare that works with the same principles as described in the Netflix documentary "The Great Hack" (2019) - Cambridge Analytica used big data on US voters to create small group psychological profiles which they used social media advertisment & social media operations to affect the voter for Trump's advantage.
In effect, the A.I. was used to win the 2016-US election for the right-wing Christian coalition for Trump, backed by billionaries such as Robert Mercer & done through companies such as Palantir (Peter Thiel) & Cambridge Analytica. Palantir in particular is rumoured to have predictive algorithms & access to Facebook & Twitter which two are has been use against me to mind program & reflect my thoughts to me. Also, Palantir has a long history with working with the CIA & NSA especially at the start of the company.
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2020.12.01 18:16 OrganizationFickle Ended things with my ex a few months ago and then met him and we had sex.
I don't know what to make of this. We were sexting 2 days later when setting ground rules. He doesn't want this to be a regular thing. I don't know what to do tbh. I don't know how he feels about me anymore, he was very guarded when we met. But I don't think I have the strength at the moment to completely end it with him. My reasons are this: having sex with him was safe and familiar. I don't want to really date or have hook ups, but I still need sex.
I was surprised he even brought it up if I'm honest. We both know there is no way in hell we'd get back together, and that is the last thing I want, but I just don't know how to feel about the whole thing. I keep thinking about his motivations, why he's come back to me, when I know he's been on dates and likely slept with other guys as well?
Does he still care about me? If it's just not regular NSA sex does that mean he doesn't care about me anymore?
Why has he come back after all this time?
Why was the sex so. freaking. hot?
I want to continue this because, well, BPD, hypersexuality, and obviously the secureness of having sex with someone who knows me inside and out, which negates the need for me to open up to anyone new (no pun intended).
I know I've slept with other guys and it's been kinda shit because they were random hook ups.
I am afraid to ask him really because he's shit at expressing his feelings and I think he would probably just completely back off, which I don't want either? Especially now he doesn't owe me explanations?
He said as part of the ground rules, no drama/attachment. But I just don't know if I have the strength right now to completely cut him off :( Advice?
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2020.12.01 06:30 Adventurous_Visit_85 Long term love vs desires
I’ll try to make it short.
I’ve (27M) been with my fiancé (24F) for 4+ years and engaged since this August. She is the love of my life, my best friend and partner in crime. We are that couple that our friends would put us on a pedestal and say we are couple goals. But since the beginning of October, things have changed on my end.
I watch porn pretty regularly. Am I addicted? Maybe, but it doesn’t affect me negatively. From watching porn, I’ve picked up some fetishes earlier this year that I’ve been wanting to open up to with my fiancé. Now our sex life for the majority in our relationship was great, but there comes a point where you just wanna spice things up. I’ve communicated this with her and she basically rejected it. She says she’s not into anything more and is fine with what we got going on.
Now these fetishes, particularly one, has been itching me for the past couple of months. I’ve gone to the point where I’m downloading dating/hookup apps to see who would be down for ONS/NSA fun. I’ve talked to some people but haven’t met anyone physically. One day, she saw texts between me and another person and was heartbroken. After some space, we talked it out and I vowed I wouldn’t do it again.
But I’m doing it again...
Again an itch. I’m on Reddit now looking for something because dating/hookup apps are too risky. In the back of mind I know I’m wrong and hate doing this. But man this itch is something I want scratched. I wanna explore things before I’m married with kids.
I don’t wanna leave her at all. She means the world to me. And I don’t think my fetishes are highly unreasonable, but everyone has their perspective. What would you do in my shoes? Let me know what you think. I can fill in any missing details.
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2020.11.29 23:38 throwawaydatingdude Should I [M34] end this casual/FWB/what-is-this-situation with [F29]?
I’ve been dating a girl for around three months. We met on a dating app and have hung out 1-2 times a week for the last 12 weeks or so. Dates usually involve dinnedrinks/an activity and we’ve had lots of sex, sleepovers and chill mornings (with sex) together. Pretty early on she mentioned she was looking for something casual which I (perhaps insecurely) took to mean ‘I don’t want a relationship [with you]’.
Attempting to be an adult human and protect my feelings down the road I told her I had growing feelings and asked if she saw me in a similar light. If not, I said we should probably call things off. She reiterated the fact she didn’t want a relationship (‘that’s where I am in life’) but sort of skirted around the feelings question. She said she’d be sad if this ended and just wasn’t sure what she felt right now. She said if it was complicating things we could take sex off the table — and we did try this — but the allure has been too real. Life is too short not to have fun.
I know I’m probably setting myself up for future hurt: she talks about being on dating apps (and changes her photos up regularly) and encourages me to go on dates with other girls. Everything in my stomach tells me that this relationship has no romantic future. Yet every week she’s just as enthusiastic as I am at setting up a dates, she cuddles me and initiates all sorts of extended physical touch, and she seemed genuinely hurt when I talked about ending things if there was no mutual chemistry. If I pull back from texts/initiating dates things don’t fade out — she hits me up to hang out again.
Am I being naive in thinking this is the it’s-her-not-me exception to the rule or do I need to prepare for the day she meets Guy X and suddenly relationships are all good again? My options: a) keep going with the flow and enjoy the great NSA sex and company assuming it will abruptly end one day or b) have another chat and actually end this.
TL;DR Girl wants a casual relationship. Down the track I’d like more. She’s still active on dating apps but rejected my initial conversation about ending things if feels weren’t mutual.
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2020.11.28 17:04 ziggy440 Do you juggle multiple SRs? If so, why? How does it affect your SRs?
As an SD, I see more than one SB. I am actively seeing 2 SBs right now and have three others on hiatus - 2 because of the virus and one who is taking a break but we're staying in touch.
The heart has its own logic, but I started doing it to have one where I work and one where I live, to be sure that I wouldn't be too attached to any one SB, and to not be left high and dry when a SB moves on. Then I had trouble when I completed a search with more than one wonderful POT and couldn't quite choose. So I have always ended seeing more than one SB at a time.
Seeing two at a time is best for me. Three is a stretch but I've done it. Four is too many and when I've been there I will break up with at least one, usually two. I am open about seeing others, open to my SBs seeing others and we tend to discuss our sugar and dating experiences. Since former SBs stay in touch - a current one just came back after a year away - I think I'm treating them well.
Of course it means I'm a PPM guy. My SRs tend to be LT - I've known my two active SBs for over a year each. I am open to something more exclusive (by which I mean I would at least see one SB first and foremost and on a more regular basis) and a monthly allowance when I feel it. Ironically I had offered that to the SB who is on break just before she went on break. Sigh. And no, she did not run away from that offer. Just career demands.
Since I no longer go to work in this COVID world, I don't need to have two for that reason, though the two I'm seeing both started as work SBs, but now we meet in between.
I feel a little embarrassed and guilty about all this, like I should have one SB and commit, in a NSA way, to her. But of the 5 who are active and on break I only feel that one is stable enough in her life and approach to sugar that I can count on her long term, and while she is a great friend and treats me wonderfully, I'm not feeling it. Mostly has to do with our sex, really.
Working on all this. Considering what I should do. I'm happy enough, hate the search enough, and COVID, that I'm not going back to search for the perfect SB. One of my SRs may be evolving into something I'd be happy to focus on. And the other, the one where we broke up and now she's back, is not likely to last too long. So I may be happily down to one soon and maybe that's where I want to be.
Curious to hear the thoughts and experiences of others - SBs and SDs. It might help clarify things for me.
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2020.11.24 00:22 onestepatatimeman How to deal with sexual frustration and repression?
Hey guys - I would like some sincere and practical advice here.
I have heard the following advice and it does not help - "Sex is overrated", "You are still young and you have time", "The emotional connection is more fulfilling", "Go to a hooker", "Download a dating app".
So, please refrain from it.
I am 24M - I am not great with women. I don't have any female friends and my sex life is nonexistent.
I want to have sex with someone with whom I experience mutual attraction. I want to experience casual sex, loving sex with a partner, NSA sex. I think it is ok to desire these things - but correct me if I am wrong. I used to prioritize these things previously, but lately with a change in perspective I do not prioritize it as much. There are other things in me that demand higher priority - mental health, sociability, human connections, friendships etc.,.
I am currently working on myself, not for girls, but for my own sake. This include going to the gym, getting therapy, dressing better, indulging in my hobbies etc.,. I have been making slow but steady progress.
Regardless, I want to have sex. Arousal is a very natural desire, I believe. I am not looking to become a PUA or a 'Playboy'. I just want to have a healthy sex life in which I can be myself and feel satisfied and fulfilled.
As I go through this phase of self improvement and transformation, how do I keep my mind away from all this sexual frustration? Any time I have a depressive episodes, thoughts of my sexual failure overwhelm me and make me feel pathetic about myself.
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2020.11.19 08:38 Criticel1 What you are looking for is..... (Link in the Desc.)5
2020.11.17 09:36 psychephilic Another dating rant
Thanks for holding space, I just want to vent a bit.
I'm almost 25 and haven't "seriously dated" anyone. Seems to be a common trend for us. And that in and of itself isn't the worst thing-- I think monogamy and the hyper-fixation on "romance" are pretty toxic colonial shit. But damn feeling pretty thoroughly disrespected and rejected for years by intimate and sexual partners hits right in the traumies.
I wasn't involved with anyone at all until college. No dating, kissing, whatever. Pretty thoroughly rejected there, too. And an abusive single mom who did a lot of ego-bashing and confidence-slaying. I wasn't really aware of my sexuality until the end of high school. I entered college-- and being of legal age-- without any dating experience or understanding of healthy relationships.
Tinder and Grindr were my wingmen, since they were already popularly used by the time I was 18. I feel I've internalized a lot of disempowerment because of them. Being 18, 19, 20 on the apps without other gay people to process with led me to just sell out everything for any attention. It seemed like NSA sex was the only way to get people interested. I stopped every saying "date" or "relationship" because those words felt so taboo. Being called fat, having people block me after sending my nudes, having people tell me to die of AIDS because I rejected them, and so on. So I learned to sell out and settle.
I got a "boyfriend" off of Tinder. Kinda dumb young love, we went on like one or two dates and I asked if we could be "exclusive." He said yes. 2 months go by pretty chill. Then he stopped replying randomly for days, broke up with me over text, and refused to talk to me or text me ever again. And from there I just started sleeping with anybody. A lot of older people. Almost all older. I guess I just wanted to feel any love or attention since my mom and my "first love" made me feel so inadequate.
And that's the majority of my experiences. Ghosted. Ghosted ghosted ghosted. Rejected rejected rejected. "Oh you're cool, but I really don't see you in that way." "Bad timing." "Yeah I loved hanging out- let's do it again -> (never replies again)" "I really like you, I might have to make you my boyfriend -> (2 days later) -> hey so never mind I don't want that" "I want something more with you -> (1 week later) -> hey you're too needy and I don't want anything"
I've had some good experiences. A boy in Ireland who was sweet. I was only there for a month, though. Some nice encounters here and there. It feels that every time I've felt strongly about someone, they could not care less about me. I've rarely hung out with someone in any capacity more than twice, because I'm usually ghosted by then.
I was talking to my friends about my experiences and what they said really hit me. They pointed out I have such a defeatist attitude toward dating. And I let people treat me pretty badly. A lot of guys, aside from ghosting, have been hurtful and mean. Or just uncaring and self-centered.
"Dating" feels traumatic to me. I can't relax or have fun because I'm waiting for the ghost or the rejection. I kind of resent the people I talk to because I am so focused on how to not get screwed over. I feel fundamentally unlovable and unworthy with sexual and intimate partners. It really feels like there is something wrong with me that partners pick up on and they just immediately want nothing more to do with me.
It must be the apps, right? But I've seen a lot of people have success. And even if not success, it doesn't seem like people get consistently treated so shittily. But maybe it's this bad for everyone. Bars and clubs and gay events never materialized either.
Or how I'm picking people? Or maybe having sex too quickly? I feel like I have shit taste in people, but I don't really know what I'm doing that leads to picking shit people. None of my sex has ever been satisfying. No one ever chases me. No one seems to want anything to do with me. And I seem to pick out a lot of dudes who are either just leaving or just entering relationships.
I don't really know how to stop this cycle. I don't really know how to watch for clues of abusive or unavailable people. And vice versa, I'm not sure how to identify who nice and compassionate people are. Even when I think I'm choosing well, I get ghosted. I'm a pretty attractive dude, pretty damn good at sex, and pretty sensitive. I feel like there should be more people who want to hang out. But they just don't. It's serious psychological shit to be ghosted dozens of times. I just want to know why. Like, if I could just know, I could make a spreadsheet or something and quantify exactly what keeps happening.
So I'm 24. I feel there's a dialectic of people being shitty and me setting myself up for shitty experiences. I know I am young. I have great friendships. As much as I pretend intimacy shouldn't matter to me, it does.
Can I get some gay hugs and affirmations? Thank you
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2020.11.16 12:03 obviouslygrilled_ How do you approach looking for dates?
I'm just over two weeks in and I feel like I'm starting to come out of the other end of the flatlining stage.
Now my attention is slowly shifting to wanting to find a partner as I'm feeling more comfortable with myself than I was a couple weeks ago. My issue though is that whilst England is still pretty much on lockdown it's very hard to meet people in person, my life at the moment consists of going for walks and going to the supermarket.
So in my mind that just leaves dating apps for the time being as a means for meeting someone. One of the things that made me want to do this in the first place was that I was active on 4 dating apps and was just unsuccessfully looking for nsa sex, I wasn't happy with the way I was talking to women and I'd started to masturbate whilst looking through these apps and messaging people.
I've started to use tinder again over the weekend and so far I've just been focusing on reading their bio and swiping left if I don't feel it's a match or if they haven't written one. I've been strict about only using it for a limited amount of time and I haven't felt the urge to look at porn after using it so far. I guess my question is, does anyone have any alternatives to using dating apps given the current situation? Is anyone else using any currently? Is it smart to forget dating completely until covid restrictions are softened?
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2020.11.14 18:29 ZomBee000 56 [M4F] UK (London or Midlands) - looking for young GF for who wants to be bred
As I've got older, I've decided that there is a lot to be said for being a "dirty old man" with a much younger girlfriend who wants to be bred. It's almost as though I'd feel much happier doing something which is naughty and society doesn't approve of.
I'm interested in hearing from anyone who wants either:
- an NSA or co-parenting donor whilst I don't find the next one!
- to be my young GF, either visiting often or living with me, and would like to be bred sometime soon and let me indulge in impregnation related kinks
- 5'11, white, brown hair, blue eyes
- mid 50s
- self employed professional, degree educated
- very well paid (but not a millionaire 🤣) - I don't expect you to contribute to housing costs.
- married but live separately (so you can stay/live with me)
- bisexual friendly provided this relationship comes first.
- I am a fairly shy person in real life - dating someone younger helps me to be more outgoing
- sexual preferences: fairly vanilla but age gaps, spooning, creampies, breeding, outdoor (weather permitting), sex toys & outfits, light BDSM, open to suggestions.
- have 3 children, would like more if everything still works
- normal interests - musicals, theatre and other live drama.
- any legal age up to 30 considered, comfortable with the 'huuuge' age difference.
- any ethnicity
- comfortable with unprotected sex, birth control entirely your decision
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2020.11.10 09:31 BengalStripes Dating. Seriously. How tf do you do it?!
Okay, I mean like, this subject has probably been beaten to death but I'm curious. To those who date, how on earth do you do it? I try putting myself out there (as much as the 'rona allows for), my profile on dating apps already says clearly that I'm MtF and looking for something serious. But all I get are men who:
A. Have a weird fetish B. Don't read the profile and just look at the pics and then usually either unmatch or 'can offer no more than conversation' C. Want to have NSA sex
Sometimes I can have the most amazing conversations with men, there's chemistry, they flirt but when I want to take it into a serious direction they either ghost or are all like 'oh, I didn't mean it like that, I thought we were just having a normal conversation!!11oneone'.
So... Seriously, how tf do you do it?!
I'm MtF pre-op btw.
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2020.11.10 04:56 comequeen11235 A Weird 'Friendship'
in the beginning of August I got out of a very serious relationship that couldn't have possibly ended worse. I was excited to enter the dating world and was looking for a NSA relationship. I went on a few dates arranged over dating apps, and then I came across a new friend, we'll call him Jake. Jake and I met and enjoyed our time the first time we hung out, we had amazing sex and had a lot of fun together. I wasn't expecting much from him, because we had just met. The next time we hung out, I made it kind of clear that I felt like I was too young for a serious relationship and he agreed with me, and we began opening up about our personal life and previous relationships. It was strange though, I felt like after I told him that I didn't want a relationship he clearly felt more comfortable with me but also began giving me compliments that were more than just friendly. He made a few statements that were a little confusing and hard to read. For example, he asked if people fell in love with me very easily, if he treated me well, if I wanted flowers, and made many comments about how lovely of a lady I was. This was all great to hear and I could tell he genuinely liked talking to me which obviously did not bother me. The issue was that after every time we would hang out he would turn extremely flaky, become distant, disappear and then reappear into my life out of the blue. At our next meeting, I came clean and laid everything out on the table. I told him I didn't like the flakiness, I am his FRIEND who supports him, and I am here for talking about any other girls he's dating or whatever. We were on the same page that we both really liked to hang out and fuck, but then he made comments like "I just really enjoy spending time with you, we don't even have to fuck, we can go home and hold each other and I'd be fine with that." I didn't look too much into it. But then again, he proceeded with the weird flakiness. I enjoy spending time with him and was looking for a more reliable friend with benefits situation so the constant back and forth was exhausting. So I swore him off and told myself it was done. He would reach out here and there, but never followed through with plans. THE WEIRD PART : I live in a big city where seeing people you know out in public really isn't common but I saw him once and didn't say anything because I was biking. He didn't see me. Fast forward to a couple weeks after we had last seen each other, I run into him AGAIN. I was with a friend so I just walked away pretending like I didn't notice. Immediately after, I get a call from him asking if I wanted to get a drink. I know I shouldn't have agreed to it, but I think he's an awesome person and I really truly enjoy his company so I agreed to it. We met up, we grabbed dinner and drinks and honestly it was the most fun we had together. We always have a good time together, so I don't understand the flakiness. It was weird though, he acted in ways that a boyfriend would around me. He was touching my face, pretty PDA at the bar, and we had very intimate conversations. He mentioned that he wanted me to hang out with him and his friends, he mentioned grabbing drinks at his friend's bar, and just said a lot of things that got me confused. He said that the only people that could make him cum from just having sex was me and his ex girlfriend and that he thought about me a lot... I could be wrong, but that's weird right? I cannot interpret this man's actions and have asked him about his expectations in the past and we were on the same page. I can't lie I definitely developed some sort of feelings for him but I've come to terms with the fact that we aren't going to date. It's just all really odd and weird, it seems like he likes me but doesn't want to? What do you guys think?
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2020.11.06 16:30 jacksoneddie Not sure if this belongs here. Please be kind.
48 and masculine.
I weld, own guns, can fix my own car, drink bourbon and smoke cigars. Ima rootin-tootin cowboy. I recently started to accept my bi-side and explore, with my wife’s approval. I met a very handsome man on a dating app, who is openly gay but not fem, we had some very good conversations. The attraction was equally mutual, we eventually exchanged numbers and texted each other often.
I can’t express how hard it is to find someone with patience and not a total creep. I’ve spoke to several guys before and most would either make my skin crawl or just want to blow and go, some just disappear. I, not sure if anyone else feels this way, but I need some kind of relationship before I would be willing to have nsa sex with a man, at least at this moment in my life.
Me and my new guy went on two dates and had a great time. Our text messages got more intense and sexual at times, often would end with good nights, and start with a pleasant good morning message. We agreed to take it to the next level and finally meet for night of passion and enthusiastically, willingly, give him my gay “v-card”.
It never happened. He said it would be too awkward with me being married. I was always upfront and honest about my wife and that i would never leave her for anything. I even explained that I had her approval to have a romantic relationship and permission to spend as much time needed with him. So, now I’m either going to quit trying, or take a break for the foreseeable future.
Apologies for the ramble but I just needed a place to express this and vent. Being a bisexual man is not easy and incredibly frustrating. My bi-cycle is leaning more in the gay spectrum as of now which doesn’t make this easier.
One takeaway from this experience; I kissed a guy and I liked it.
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2020.11.05 03:11 GenerallyObservant 30 [m4f] good looking stud needs a fun FWB
Hey there, I’m a 30-year-old white guy living in San Francisco. I’m told him good luck young and well endowed. I’m looking for a FWB, but open to relationships, NSA, and hot wife/cuckold arrangements.
Have a few NSFW pics in profile (softie most recent.) won’t exchange face pics or post them.
6’2, 190 fit, masculine, talented lover. Have a 1BR in the city and can host. DDF and covid free only. 420 is chill.
Down for dates, hiking, camping, and romantic stuff too. But for right now, I want to have wild sex with a good looking and confident woman.
Hit me up!
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2020.11.03 04:24 niftyww First date and it's going too fast
I had a first date with this guy, (met him on match) very handsome although short, has a good job, well dressed, the whole 9 yards. I liked him a lot. We had a good conversation and exchanged phone numbers at the end.
I sent him a text after the date explaining that I have bipolar disorder (I feel like it's better to get it out of the way sooner so that I don't waste my time) and he texted back that it's ok because I take medication. He said there could be a problem though because I live with my mom and she doesn't like me to bring men home.
So I said can't I just go to your house? and he said his landlord says no guests. So I said what about a hotel? And then the conversation kind of turned into a sexual one. When I've been on one date with him. And I'm looking for a real relationship, not one based on sex. I told him I'm not looking for NSA or ONS, and he said that's ok he's looking for a relationship too. My question is, can this be salvaged and if so how long do I need to wait before having sex? Also, I told him I need to see STD tests first and he seemed shocked by that and insisted he is clean. So that could be a problem too. What do you guys think?
EDIT: I don't think anybody will see this, but I wanted to leave a note saying that I ended up blocking this guy on my cell phone. He knows my full name (a unique name) and my email address, and my cell number. I'm definitely uncomfortable about that. We spoke about having sex but he got really personal and demanding and it made me really uncomfortable and I finally was just like, Don't I have any self respect? So yeah.
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2020.10.30 05:33 DaddyFlying Proper way to show disinterest.
Had two recent SB possibilities:
SB1 - first meet was cool, nice date. she reached out wanting to discuss allowance before our second date.. second date and I realize she’s kinda goofy, she wore yoga pants and it revealed that she didn’t really have a body shape.. midway through the date she tripped and injured herself, and lost her car keys at the same time. smh. I stuck through the 2nd date and drove her home. At this point it was clear I didn’t want to pursue anything with her. We never texted each other again. It was a grey area - Should I have offered to buy her a replacement car key? idk, but tbh I was over it.
SB2 - we met, had a walk and chatted. she’s a teacher and was dressed pretty modest. didn’t think about her in a sexual way at all. later that night she started sending nudes and vids of her barebacking with her ex-bf. it actually turned me off, but she had a nice body. I called her to come to my place. Great sex (wore protection), but no real chemistry.. for now it’s ppm, she likes being on camera and is super freaky. You’d think this would be great, but I’m bored.. been slowly pulling back. For now it’s more NSA, FWB, PPM.
Anyone else not having a good time in the bowl lately?
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2020.10.23 10:33 Logiman43 How PIS destroyed Poland.
EDIT: This post is in an article format with pictures and graphs here
I can't be silent anymore. In 2018, out of 1076 abortions in Poland, 1 was because of rape, 25 because it was dangerous for the woman's life and 1050 because of an unhealthy fetus
. It means that PIS just totally banned abortion in Poland
Too few Europeans are aware of the depth of this crisis. The current Polish government is destroying the country from inside-out with its nepotism, religious zeal, communistic tactics, social programs and funding verge organizations (or trolls). It breaks every single law, making unconstitutional laws since 2015 and destroying the court of law. How Poland is pushing EU into crisis - rise of populism. The video is 2 years old and now it's worst
PIS staffed every single judicial court with its own people (ending the impartiality of judges). The very aggressive social 500+ program increased the job inactivity of Poles to 48%
(48% of 15+ Polish citizens are NEET. Unemployment is at 5-6%). The Job vacancies in Poland are at the lowest level in EU
. The corruption and nepotism is rampant, more than 1000 family members and friends are in public companies or in different Ministries. Polish PIS high ranking politicians are also making money together with pimps and mafia (see scandals down there). They are also giving millions of euros from public money to the Catholic Church. They are paying trolls to spew hate on Facebook, via Whatsapp and on the web. Some of them are hiding and not prosecuting pedophiles in the Catholic Church. Poland has almost the lowest innovation in EU
. In 15 indexes tracking freedom and democracy in Europe Poland went from an average position of 12 out of 28 in 2010 to 23 out of 28 in 2019
. I mean, not to diminish Trump’s “awesomeness” but imagine if the WHOLE republican party in the US was Trump-like. Shady deals, family in the govt, creating discord, staffing courts with their own judges. I’m just mortified.
For further reading I recommend: Sadurski, Wojciech. "Poland's Constitutional Breakdown", Oxford University Press, 2019.
Acronyms and main characters:
- PIS- current govt, Law and Justice, a fringe party with populist programs. Majority in Parliament. President is also from PIS. Opposition has the Senate.
- J. Kaczynski, PIS leader, Twin brother of the dead Polish president
- Z. Ziobro, General Prosecutor and Minister of Justice. PIS
- A. Duda, President. PIS
- M. Banas, Head of the Supreme Audit office. PIS
- M. Morawiecki, Prime minister. PIS
- T. Rydzyk Catholic priest, founder of the conservative Radio Maryja station and tv TRWAM
- J. Kurski, chairman of the Polish national state broadcaster TVP. PIS
- M. Kuchcinski, ex-Marshal of the lower house. PIS
- B. Szydlo, ex-prime minister. PIS
PiS changes electoral rules in an unconstitutional move. Presidential "elections" 2020 are the Biggest legal blunder of the year Poland Is Showing the World How Not to Run a Pandemic Election. The upcoming Polish election is shaping up to be a farce. Washington should learn from Warsaw’s mistakes before November. Why Poland’s “ghost election” sends a warning about its democracy Wikipedia about this blunder
- Pis doesn't want to declare a constitutional state of emergence or state of natural disaster because it would postpone the elections. So they declared a state of epidemic that doesn't allow to limit the freedom of movement or other liberties Ombudsman opinion
- At first, PiS decided to hold the presidential elections on 10 May despite the public outcry at holding elections at the height of a pandemic. The adoption of generalised voting by post by the Polish parliament, about one month before the planned elections, violates several constitutional standards. It breaches a prohibition on making changes to the electoral law less than six months before an election and a ban on hiding new laws under the guise of amendments to an existing draft.
- Then PiS has excluded a key institution from the process of preparing the elections: the National Electoral Commission (PKW), which can no longer print the voting cards. On the 17th of April president Andrzej Duda signed a bill depriving the PKW of the powers to organise elections
- So in a particularly Kafkaesque twist, the ministry appointed J. Sasin, one of the MP, to organize the elections and he printed 30M ballots before the special election legislation was even signed into law. For months there was a ballot hunt to know where the ballots are stored. 70 million zloty bill for Poland’s abandoned presidential election
- At 02:26 am on 23 April, every Polish mayor and city council president received an anonymous, unsigned e-mail from Polish Post saying that they were required to deliver the private data of 30 million Polish citizens including their PESEL (national identification number), date of birth, address, and other private data in a .txt file format lacking any passwords or security. But local governments, which hold that data, are refusing to hand it over, arguing that the postal service has no legal right to get the files.
- On 29 April 2020, 11 days before the planned election date, election candidate Żółtek presented a copy of an "unlawful" electoral ballot at a press conference. It had NO securities to prevent counterfeit copies (reminder: As of 2 May 2020, Polish law did not authorise Poczta Polska to organise postal voting nor printing of ballots) . Poczta Polska notified the Internal Security Agency about the leak. But how to prove something that shouldn't exist? So many trolls just printed the copy and put it in mailboxes and on the street Picture of police trying to see if this is a copy or not of an illegal ballot
- 4 days before the election, “Simply put, in a democratic country, the government decided — consciously — not to organise the election of the head of state.” Collapse of Polish democracy “What happened with this agreement is truly unprecedented: the presidential election in Poland was not postponed, it was just cancelled,”. As the leaders reached their agreement, no constitutional institution was involved in the process, including the electoral commission, the president, the Sejm and the Supreme Court – the latter was meant to cancel the election according to the letter of the document. However, the two politicians could be certain that their agreement, although un-constitutional, would prove effective because of the complete take-over of the Supreme Court by the Law and Justice nominees since the beginning of May following the expiry of the term of the former President of the Supreme Court Małgorzata Gersdorf. Still, it is highly unusual for the leaders of political parties to openly state what the Supreme Court would decide. Source
- 3 days before the election, the National Electoral Commission (PKW) - controlled by PIS since a month- declared that the election would not be able to take place on 10 May 2020 because there were no candidates???!!! Source So the candidates will need to ONCE again collect 100k signatures to be eligible to be candidates.
- On 3 June 2020, the Marshal of the Sejm ordered the first round of the election to be held on 28 June 2020.
- And now the cherry on top. Elections on 28 june 2020 are UNCONSTITUTIONAL why? art 128.2 of the constitution: "The election of the President of the Republic shall be ordered by the Marshal of the Sejm to be held on a day no sooner than 100 days and no later than 75 days before expiry of the term of office of the serving President of the Republic, and in the event of the office of President of the Republic falling vacant - no later than the 14th day thereafter(...)". June 28 was 70 days before the expiry. So the next election must be announced within 14 days after the office of president is vacated. So the Speaker of the Sejm can announce new elections AT THE EARLIEST after 6th of August. source
- The whipped cream on top of the cherry? These elections are not free, not secret and not for everyone. They are not free because the electoral commission is controlled by PIS, they are not secret because if you vote via post you need to sign the ballot with your name + the attached envelope is see-trough. 14 sins of ballot elections Voter suppression: Old, pregnant and people with kids on their arms can vote first Part 2/5
Destruction of the rule of law.
Some of the passages below are taken from this pdf
No member state in the history of the EU has ever gone as far in subjugating its courts to executive control as the current Polish government. The Polish case has become a test whether it is possible to create a Soviet-style justice system in an EU member state; a system where the control of courts, prosecutors and judges lies with the executive and a single party.
Across Europe, national courts recognise the judgements of courts in other member states, whether these involve commercial law, the European arrest warrant or child custody. Judges must assume that courts across the EU operate according to common values and principles set out in the European Union Treaty and in its Charter of Fundamental Rights. Once judges across the EU have reason to doubt whether courts in any member state provide effective judicial protection, the legal order on which the EU rests collapses. Freedom house - How PIS captured Poland’s Courts
Constitutional Tribunal changes
It all began with the constitutional crisis four years ago. Constitutional crisis and the destruction of the rule of law
In 2015, parliament changed the law on the Constitutional Tribunal, which rules on the constitutionality of legislation. The changes allowed them to annul the nominations of three judges made by the previous parliament and appoint their own. It shortened the terms of the tribunal's president and vice-president from nine to three years. The tribunal ruled the move unconstitutional in an open rebellion, but the dispute remains unresolved. Julia Przylebska
- was illegally named the president of the Tribunal court by the president. And now Kaczynski, the PM have meetings at her house. Nice separation of power
There's too much to describe. For further info please visit the link. It is an amazing summary of the whole ordeal. timeline
Supreme Court changes
The European Commission, the EU's executive arm, said one of the most controversial reforms was to do with the Supreme court, which, among other duties, is responsible for confirming election results. The idea was to lower the age of retirement for Supreme Court justices from 70 to 65, but allow the Polish president to grant a five-year extension to whomever they deemed worthy. In 2019, the European Court of Justice (ECJ) — the EU's highest court —ruled this was illegal, after an interim decision ordered 20 already-sacked judges be reinstated. Of course, PIS chose 2 new Constitutional judges, A politician Pawlowicz with communistic past and Piotrowicz, also a politician and a prosecutor that was an active communist during the 80 that prosecuted Solidarnosc. Both of them are above 65 years old.
Ordinary court judges
There were also moves to try a similar tactic in the general court system for judges and public prosecutors, lowering the age of retirement for women to 60 and for men to 65, down from the current 67. Under the reforms the justice minister, who is appointed by the ruling party, would have the power to extend a judge's term. The laws were somewhat adjusted after pressure from the European Commission, but in November 2019 the ECJ shot down these laws, too, citing gender discrimination and political influence over the judiciary.
Disciplinary measures for judges
Another PiS addition allowed judges to be investigated and sanctioned for their court rulings. The disciplinary hearings and procedures were to be carried out by judges selected via parliament. These reforms were criticized by the European Commission because "judges are not insulated from political control and thus judicial independence is violated." The commission brought legal action against Poland on this matter in October 2019.
National Council of the judiciary takeover
In 2017 PiS remodeled the National Council of the Judiciary, which selects candidates for appointment as judges by the President of the Republic. This allowed it, in the short term, to control appointments to the Supreme Court – including to a newly created Disciplinary Chamber, which hears disciplinary cases against judges, and to a new Extraordinary Appeals Chamber, which adjudicates on electoral issues. Over time PiS’ take-over of the National Judicial Council allows it to reshape the entirety of the judiciary. Fifteen of the 25 members of the National Council of the Judiciary were previously elected by judges themselves, as is common practice across Europe for such bodies. These fifteen judges are now elected by the majority in the Sejm, the lower chamber of the Polish parliament. The other ten members of the National Council of the Judiciary are: four members from the Sejm itself (all four members of PiS), two members from the Senate, one representative of the President of the Republic, the Minister of Justice, the president of the Supreme Court and the president of the Supreme Administrative Court. In total 23 of the 25 positions are directly appointed by political authorities.
After the election of the new KRS, a publication of the list with the names of judges declaring their support for specific candidates was refused. The Supreme Administrative Court ruled that those names must be disclosed. However, the Chancellery of the Sejm has yet to carry out the NSA’s ruling. The Constitutional Tribunal (TK) and the President of the Personal Data Protection Office have been roped into guarding the secret. KRS destruction
Muzzle bill The muzzle bill
passed Dec 2019, victimize judges questioning the legitimacy of the government’s legal appointments, saying it is unlawful to “show hostility to other authorities of the Republic of Poland and its constitutional organs or to critisize the basic principles of the Republic of Poland.”The bill also delegalise the preliminary questions to the Court of Justice of the EU (CJEU). The bill also allows to fire judges ( which is unconstitutional according to the Constitution). In average Ziobro dismissed a judge every day and a half from its position of president of court source
One of the worse Covid19 laws in EU.
Trampling Fundamental freedoms using a single ordnance and Critiquing the President will land you a year in jail. report
In the latest special Covid19 law (already 4th lol) PIS smuggled an article straight from a communistic playbook about prosecuting people that critique the president. The sentence can be up to a year. They also smuggled a harsher law for abortions. Can someone tell me HOW it is related to Covid19? source
Illegal presidential pardon Illegal presidential pardon for CBA chief Kaminski
In 2013, Law and Justice (PiS) MP Mariusz Kamiński – who served as head of the anti-corruption agency from 2006 and 2009 – was found guilty of overstepping his powers. He was sentenced to three years in prison and was banned from holding public office for ten years. Polish President Andrzej Duda pardoned Kamiński even though he was still appealing his sentence at the time. The case against Kamiński was then discontinued. A supreme court judge said that the president interfered in the legal process because Kamiński was proven neither innocent nor guilty when he was pardoned, making a future ruling redundant. The judge said that the president can pardon someone after any final appeal has been heard “because then he is not interfering with the judiciary”.
Merging the General Prosecutor with the political Minister of Justice
The general prosecutor role was merged with the minister of justice Ziobro. source
. This handed Ziobro and his subordinates greatly expanded power to politically interfere with rank-and-file prosecutors, their decisions, and their freedoms of speech and association. Poland Is Purging Its Prosecutors 200+ public prosecutors that are loyal to the Minister of Justice Ziobro (from PIS)
All of them got promotions (or someone from their family) or pay raises. another list
Destroying the military
The creation of a territorial defense unit
- a civilian army led by the ministry of defense to control “the situation inside Poland”. In addition, there was a purge of generals.
and killing multibillion deals with France
. About 37 generals and 47 colonels left. Why? Because they had to answer to a 27-year old assistant to the Defense Minister, former pharmacy assistant without a university degree. The Rzeczpospolita daily newspaper reported that Misiewicz was given a top communications job with PGZ ( largest defense consortiums in Central Europe) that pays $12,500 a month, huge sum in a country where the average pre-tax wage is about $1,150 a month. source
PIS decides to overhaul 40-years old t-72 instead of investing in German tanks
. Not enough ammunition, uniforms NVG and other gadget went to the above unit,
In 2015, the Defence minister Macierewicz raided the Nato center in Warsaw at 1am to take control of documents and place their man at the helm
The ministry of Justice is funding trolls to destroy judges Ziobro-Piebiak paid Troll scandal
The Onet news portal published a report alleging that Deputy Justice Minister Łukasz Piebiak “arranged and controlled” an online campaign against Judge Krystian Markiewicz, the head of Iustitia, a judicial organization critical of the government’s efforts to restructure the judicial system, as well as against other inconvenient judges. According to the Onet report, Piebiak operated and financed an online campaign by a woman called Emilia who allegedly sent over 2,000 letters and emails about Markiewicz to other judges as well as to pro-government right-wing media. The messages contained fabricated, semi-confirmed and gossipy details of the judge’s personal life. According to Onet, Emilia obtained Markiewicz’s personal address from Piebiak so she could send him one of the letters.
Taking over the state media
State media was taken over by PIS and is using mass propaganda
Not only they are a propaganda tube but they also offend polish citizens ie – translation: defenders of pedophiles and alimonies-takers are the ones against judiciary reforms
. They call every peaceful protest as a coup
The same can be said about the GUS – general statistical bureau. It is controlled by PIS and it is known to “change” metrics
so every Inflation or unemployment metrics can’t be trusted.
LBGT-free zones and Xenophobia. Fear against refugees
and calls for xenophobia
. A leaked draft of a new Polish migration policy discriminates against Muslims, ranks foreigners according to ethnicity and breaches human rights
My article Why the Polish government is against LGBT?
PIS is supporting LGBT free zones
where a thrid of Poland is declared as LGBT-free
. During the presidential elections in 2020 Gay “ideology” is worse than communism, says Duda - PIS president
Destroying education and HealthCare. PIS cancels the in vitro program
Polish government program that covered most of the in vitro costs was immediately cut by the Law and Justice Party when it came to power in late 2015, even though Poland has one of the lowest birth rates in the EU. Catholic Church opposition to IVF is widely seen as one factor in the Polish government's decision.
PIS also increased the minimum wage at the beginning of 2020. It created a weird paradox where a teacher and a starting MD is earning less than the minimal wage because they get paid from public money and the minimal wage change is for the private sector. And PIS wants to ban sex ed by labeling teachers as gay activists and pedophiles
. Critics say Poland’s governing Law and Justice Party is wrecking the education system for political gain — and students are suffering.
Environment? Destruction of the oldest European forest in Poland by Minister of Environment Szyszko
The Bialowieza Forest is a UNESCO World Heritage site that sprawls across the border between Poland and Belarus, occupying almost 580 square miles of woodland and providing home to rare European wood bison among others. At least 10,000 trees are thought to have been felled in Białowieża, since the Polish environment minister, Jan Szyzko tripled logging limits there in 2016. The EU’s highest court has ruled that Poland’s logging in the Unesco-protected Białowieża forest is illegal, potentially opening the door to multi-million euro fines. “Our (water) resources are comparable to those of Egypt,” it said in the report bearing the ominous title: “Poland, European Desert”
Nepotism and colleagues in state-owned companies
PIS won the elections by wanting to fight nepotism. The most famous was “24yo Misiewicz, a former pharmacy assistant without a university degree was in the defense industry under Macierewicz. The apparent favoritism has raised ethics concerns in a party that won office promising to fight corruption.” source
There is even a webpage listing more than 1000 cases of nepotism under PIS Pisiewicze
Latest data show 162M PLN to 84 PIS oligarchs and Colleagues
Illegal budget for 2017
The 2017 budget "was adopted" not in the Sejm assembly hall, but in a smaller room where the so-called parliamentary session was held immediately as a follow-up to the meeting of the parliamentary causus of PIS, where no reliable counting of vates was possible, and with many allegations taht the opposition MPs were not allowed in. [Constitutional Democracy in Crisis?, Oxfoord, 2018, p.268]
Ex-communists in PIS ranks. And PIS is very anti-left and anti-PRL.
They are accusing the opposition – PO - to consist mostly of ex-communists or communistic party members or collaborators. The issue is that most members of PO fought against the communism and spent months/years in prison in the ’80. On the other hand, the PIS party members scarcely fought for polish liberty and some of its party members are former communistic party members or communistic prosecutors like Piotrowicz
! Some Polish TC judge
are also ex-PRL members. Here
is a list in polish of all current PIS party members who served as PRL members during the communistic era. So, PIS is fighting against itself. Another list with 20 names of ex-party members now in PIS
Funding the Catholic church with public money
PIS is very Pro-Catholic, most of their voters are devout Catholics. So it is no surprise that PIS is funding religious orgs from public money
. Since Law and Justice came to power in 2015, Father Rydzyk’s businesses have received at least $55 million in subsidies from at least 10 ministries and state companies. His Radio Maryja station, which reaches millions and is often the sole source of information for many older voters in rural Poland, offers a daily diet of horror stories about a world without faith, where gay people control the political agenda, universities are corrupted by “neo-Marxists,” and the Roman Catholic Church is under mortal threat. Rydzyk Embroiled in Corruption Allegations Hiding Pedophilia. Map of 259 victims of catholic pedophilia
. When a documentary was released before recent local elections revealing devastating examples of how priests sexually abused children and how church officials covered it up, many in PIS saw it not as evidence of an institution that lost its way, but one that needed to be defended. Piotrowicz, the above communist prosecutor, dismissed in 2001 a case against a priest accused of raping six girls. Polish PIS president Duda pardons a paedophile that raped his own daughter. He makes the pardon a week before elections
The so-called assassination
of Kaczynski's twin president brother in Smolensk created 90M PLN of costs. PIS created a "cult" around his death and even created a special commission that would prove it was an assassination. Kaczynski was using it on every occasion Don't wipe your treacherous mugs with ...
. Ofc they didn’t prove anything and they buried the topic. Every 10th of every month for 3 years, PIS party leader Kaczynski was making a "show" commemorating his dead twin brother. He was using the police to secure his demonstration even if he has no lawful power (he is neither a president, neither the prime minister). New law expanding police surveillance
and the police is getting raises after raises to keep them happy
. The commemorations, the commission and the damages (paid only to the politicians’ families, not to the crew) amounted to 91M PLN.
The welfare revolution
PIS is also very pro-family. The party is giving away 500zl per month for every kid. In short, it has “bought” the elections. The polish economy is unable to sustain such an endeavor roots of populism
. And it costs the economy 80B PLN between 2016 and 2019. The best part? Rate of births is negative for the last couple of years
and inflation is still growing. According to the PIS Stats bureau it is 3.5% and growing. However, many journalists made their own baskets of normal good and services and the inflation is closer to 10%. Additionally there is a growing debt that PIS tries to hide by shifting some debt into other Funds. One of them is the “Solidarity fund” that is not counted in the overall polish GDP, that is to support people with disabilities will pay for the 13th and 14th pension of people 65+.
Funding propaganda and trolls Computational Propaganda in Poland: Russian troll factories PIS bought the Pegasus spyware to spy on its citizens
In September 2018, private broadcaster TVN24 reported that Poland’s state audit body, NIK, was questioning an outlay of over 33 million zloty (€7.6 million euro) by the Justice Fund, a government fund to help victims of crime. According to TVN, the money went toward the purchase of a “new system to spy on telephones and computers, the most expensive system in the history of Polish secret services.” Reports that the covertly purchased system could be Pegasus — a top-performing spyware that is impossible to track — surfaced last week.
Polish troll farms
promoting Duda and Kaczynski
Funding public TV stations
Polish public TV stations should be impartial and public. Not favoring any party nor government and give the same screen time to every party equally. Unfortunately, there was a purge of journalists the moment PIS won the election and the propaganda is stalin-like. Look at this graph how it changed
. Polish TVP is the mouthpiece of the govt
. In 2020 PIS voted to give an additional 2B pln per year for 5 years to public tv. Public Main TV making fun of US ambassador by reading the tweet with a derogatory accent
PIS has hundreds of scandals that each would destroy a modern government. They defrauded billions of PLN over the years, put 1000’s of family members in different state-owned companies. Below are listed the main sexual and financial scandals.
- Sex hotel of the head of the Audit office Marian Banaś , a Law and Justice (PiS) politician and recently appointed chief of Poland’s Supreme Audit Office has been heavily embroiled in a corruption scandal, another to hit the ruling party just weeks before the country votes in a parliamentary election. Mr Banaś served as finance minister from June to August this year, and is a key figure in the party. Mr Banaś concealed his possession of a tenement house in Krakow from his financial disclosures. This property was then revealed to have deep running connections with a local, criminally-run escort agency. He claimed that the house was given to him by an old friend whom he met in the Home Army, which he then renovated. In his disclosures, he claimed he would sell the house, which never happened. Banaś claims that this was due to the buyer’s inability to get a loan. Investigations have further revealed that Mr Banaś agreed to rent the property for 5000 zloty a month, 10,000 zloty lower than its estimated market value, according to Gazeta Wyborcza. Just as the scandal could not apparently get any worse for Mr Banaś, further investigation by journalist Bertold Kittel revealed criminal links. When Mr Kittel entered the property he found at the reception an infamous Krakow criminal known as one of the brothers K – Wiesław or Janusz, who control escort agencies in the region. While still under investigation, there have been suggestions of contact between the two.
- "Alleged" Pedophila and Sex trafficking scandal of House speaker Wirtualna Polska learned the contents of the message of CBA officer Wojciech J. to the prosecutor's office about the failure of the head of the CBA, Ernest Bejda. In the background is a lost record with a recording of one of the leading PiS politicians who should have sex with a minor Ukrainian girl lost. His name falls on the document. In the message, Wojciech J. refers to several reports that he was the head of the office in connection with the "unauthorized access to his armored cabinet during his absence" submitted. From this vault, a record should be lost in escort agencies from the Podkarpacie region. One of the leading PiS politicians should have sex with a young Ukrainian in the recording. The statement signed by lawyer Beata Bosak-Kruczek mentions the name of Sejm spokesman Marek Kuchciński.
- Health minister Szumowski alleged to have bought £1m of PPE from ski instructor friend during pandemic. And givng away £65m grants to companies run by brother public anger has exploded after Polish newspaper Gazeta Wyborcza reported that Szumowski bought masks with fake certificates from a skiing instructor who is friends with his businessman brother, Marcin. Poland’s Health Ministry reportedly spent five million zloty (£1m) on 120,000 FFP-2 type face masks and 20,000 surgical masks that were later found not to meet safety standards, Politico says. The company that sold the masks was registered on the 30 of March and won the govt. contract on the same day. Critics have also questioned Szumowski’s previous dealings in government. Polish news network tvn24 reports that while serving as deputy science minister in 2016-17, he gave 300 million zloty (£60m) in grants from Poland’s National Centre for Research and Development (NCBR) to OncoArendi Therapeutics, a research company run by his brother. Another company in which Szumowski was a shareholder, Life Science Innovation (LSI), was reportedly given a 24 million zloty (£5m) NCBR grant just days after he took up the ministerial post.
- Same Health minister Szumowski bought 1.2 thousand ventilators for PLN 200 million from a company owned by an arms dealer, not a single device was delivered
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2020.10.22 19:52 kt--o-shs-er After six months, I'm finally bringing it up. Weed + psych meds = no libido.
I'm a bi man in a monagamous relationship of about 3 years with a hetero woman. I'm 43, she's 38. We originally met at a mental health support group, we both take medication daily and have had our share of struggles in the past. At first our sex life was awesome, we found ourselves after a few weeks of dating being so sexually active it was actually a problem. It was that punch-drunk overwhelming feeling of bliss I hadn't felt since I was like 23. But it was great. We gradually settled down, which you'd expect, and had a happy sex life for a while - until she started a new medication.
The whole time I've known her she's taken a duplicitous approach to meds. She's very proactive in her care, communicating with her prescriber and counselor, taking meds very regularly. On the other hand, though, she's smoked weed on the daily without a break ever since we met. I've tried to bring it up with her, but she gets really defensive. She knows she's dependent on it, knows it damages her lungs - I bought her a Pax, she doesn't use it - but refuses to discuss it with her providers (at least, she hasn't mentioned discussing it with them to me).
About 9 months to a year ago she started a new med, one that's notorious for weight gain and loss of libido. As she started to gain weight she became more sedentary than she already had been, and libido began to wane until about the time the pandemic started. Since then we've had sex exactly once. It was about the same time we moved in together.
It's come up in conversation a couple of times. She says she still finds me very attractive, but has no libido at all. She said it's 'freeing' in a way, because she used to have a lot of anxiety around sex. I'm like, that's great - for you, I guess.
She's dragged her heels in getting health coverage and despite being in this new state for over half a year she hasn't seen a doctor yet. She continues to smoke weed like it's a food group. We spend about $300 a fcking month on it! I have trouble not smoking, I don't want to, but I have trouble being around her when she's stoned and I'm not. She is always stoned.
A couple years ago she told me that she's ok with me hooking up with guys, which she still is. But the only times the idea of any other type of casual hookup with others has come up, she's insisted she's 'not poly' (that isn't what I want, though, I don't want any outside romance). I actually was mostly interested in having an MFM threeway with another guy, or her hooking up with a guy. Not cuckolding humiliation, just more a voyeuristic kink. That was back when we were sexually active, though. One time I tried to carefully touch on the idea of us being 'open' and me hooking up with another woman, NSA, but she angrily dismissed the idea.
Anyways, all that's off the table. I just don't know what to do. I've fantasized & honestly have come close to cheating, making a booty call to an old flame. I couldn't go through with that though. The guilt was bad enough just thinking about it.
The point I'm at right now, I'm happy being with her, I love her, we're compatible and good for each other in every other way. I'm friends with her family, flown home with her for Christmas, everything is great and fine - except the total lack of sex. Not just sex, though; not even making out. No sexual energy, at all. I'd given up on trying a long time ago. Now I'm so accustomed to suppressing my desires when we're in bed, I hardly know where to start. Plus she's so self conscious about her body, she barely lets me touch her.
I've always loved being romantic with her, bringing her flowers, spending time together. When her best friends got married a while ago, I was inspired, started daydreaming of proposing to her. But I can't do that. Unless this part of our relationship improves, it'd be foolish to make a lifelong commitment. I will not live like this forever.
So, it's coming to the point where we need to address it. Sex isn't a want to me, it's a need, and I ultimately will not be happy without it. I keep longingly perusing certain FB friend's photos, having dreams, and struggling not to stare at people I see at the beach. Honestly if I meet someone who is equally thirsty for me, I'm not sure if I'll be able to resist temptation. I just don't want to find myself betraying her trust.
I guess what I'm mostly hoping for is some advice on how to 'have the talk', as in what works, what doesn't.
What I'm honestly most afraid of is her framing this as a patriarchy / male privilege issue. She's very woke, which I love about her, but sometimes it's to a fault. (That is to say, on occasion, it can turn into raging hypocritical accusatory bullshit.) In my view it's more of a 'are you actually taking care of yourself / will this relationship work?' issue.
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2020.10.17 01:19 Electric_Logan 29, male, high-functioning, virgin. Don't like relationships.. want NSA but feel weird with strangers..
Oh man this is a whole mess of weirdness I don't even really know what I want to ask.. I mean, okay to start off with people don't even think I'm autistic and are surprised when they learn it, they think I'm reight socially competent, I'm hip, cool, stylin' outfits n' all that..
But what people don't know is I've never had a relationship. Long story cut short - undiagnosed, took a hate campaign run against me by a psychopath within my own friendship group in school to make me realise I was weird, that destroyed my self-esteem confidence, I have PTSD from the humiliation and abuse I suffered from him and his lackeys or whatever.
Reached all the milestones late, so finally got to uni at 24. In my first year I had my first kiss, and the only person I've been with in any way to date.. it was one week where me and a girl were hanging out.. but I hated kissing.. it's just awful, don't like it. I didn't even like her I was taking it like a beggars can't be choosers thing.
Anyway I'm sexually frustrated, sexually repressed. Porn addict, because I'm actually very kinky, have a high sex drive and really interested in exciting, adventurous sex.. little to no interest in a relationship. Used to want a girlfriend n' all that jazz in school, but I think I have major trust issues, commitment issues, anxiety about closeness, largely influenced by the bullying in school but also other stuff relating to parental issues (no physical abuse.. possibly psychological abuse, neglect throughout childhood. It didn't feel like that at the time. The parent I'm talking about was not wrong or bad, they were just unwell themselves. 'nuff said). Flash-forward to now I really just want casual sex hookups.
The problem is that I'm anxious with strangers.. that girl I hung out with and made out with briefly when I was 24, I had an anxiety attack after my first kiss. We were outside.. she thought I was cold, I hated the whole experience.. cringe now when I think about it, that I even went along with it because I didn't really like her anyway. ..anyway I get feeling like anxiety attack just when I talk honestly and openly with people.. like when I confessed my feelings for a female friend a few years ago.
I dunno' I suppose if I have any questions it's like..
- Is it too late for me to have NSA? Am I completely undesirable for NSA considering I'm a virgin? It is better to be honest or just lie that "I've not done this in a while"?
- Or I suppose I should at least be honest that I have anxiety about closeness, that I don't like it? I'm very honest and open about being on the spectrum in general, but where it might lead to rejection (going for jobs and trying to 'meet' people) I tend not to be so up front on it. Should I be honest about being on the spectrum?
- What are some good ways to go about pursuing what I want? ..I've tried dating apps but I usually get disheartened and give up, perhaps because my hearts not really in it as it's dating/relationship stuff and again I have no interest in that... and I suppose the ambiguity about what I'm putting the time in for. As in.. looking at a girl's profile it's not clear what exactly she's looking for.. so am I wasting my time with someone who isn't looking for NSA?
The thing is I'm not very good at being up front with shit like that. I'm a pretty brutally honest, outspoken person. People don't like my opinions sometimes because they're unpopular, or critical (shock horror)... but any personal, emotional, sexual, flirty stuff - no dice.
I don't know how to tldr my usually lengthy ramblings so.. if you made it this far thank you... and you probably think I'm a freak, which is cool 'cause I am. I'd still dig the advice though.
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2020.10.13 08:44 zoenpratt26 Top 30 Casual Dating Girls Profiles for NSA Sex
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